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randomweavingFic: Changeling
Characters: John Dorian/Perry Cox
Rating: NC-17 (eventually)
Chapter Rating: R for language, sexual situations and violent content.
Description: This is a wildly AU story with fantastical elements based on![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
thuri's Nano writing project. It begins late in season three, before Carla and Turk's wedding, and from there follows the characters as they face the Change, a strange, magical phenomenon that is turning ordinary humans into half-human creatures from fantasy.
Chapter listings: Contents Post
Announcement: We thank you all for being patient with us as we try to sort through these last few chapters. There are a few that will still need major alterations, and if we do not get said alterations taken care of in time we will have to revert to posting once a week until we're caught up again. However, we'll try not to do that whenever possible.
Chapter Warning: Gore, some graphic violent content!
The others were waiting outside when they finally came within view of the house. Elliot was prancing in place; Carla had taken over holding Jack, and Turk was shifting his weight nervously from foot to foot. When they rounded the corner, Carla visibly relaxed, casting her eyes heavenward briefly; Turk's tail began to wag, and Elliot reared slightly before springing forward, galloping until she was right in front of them.
"What happened?" she asked, voice high-pitched with worry. "What took so long? What was that thing? Why did we have to run?"
"Barbie!" Perry barked, stopping her rambling. "Be quiet for four seconds, would you, and we'll answer!"
JD was still shaking slightly, but smiled a little as Elliot settled down again. Turk and Carla had approached as well, and they pressed in close, warm bodies shielding him and Perry. He sighed, leaning against Perry and bringing one hand to drape over Turk's furred back. "It was a gryphon," he said. "And I guess I must've flown too close to her nest...she was warning us off."
"A gryphon?" Turk sputtered, eyebrows shooting up. "What the hell? That's impossible!"
"Said the wolf-man," Perry muttered, but JD elbowed him lightly to shush him.
"No more so than a unicorn, though, right?" he said, shrugging. "I guess the Changeling thing doesn't just encompass humans."
"A unicorn?" Elliot breathed, eyes going wide.
"So you think the gryphon used to be something else?" Carla asked dubiously. "Like what?"
"I don't know if that's what's going on or not," JD said, wondering why the others kept deferring to him. He may have Changed first, but that didn't mean he knew anything about any of this.
"Are you sure it was a gryphon?" Turk asked again, still looking doubtful.
"What the hell else could it have been?" Perry snapped. "It sure as hell wasn't anything I've ever seen out here before..."
"You really saw a unicorn?"
"Yes, Elliot, we did," JD said, exasperated. "And Turk: Eagle's head, eagle's wings, lion's body...yeah," he finished. "That's what I'd call it. She let us go when she realized we weren't a threat. But I think I'll need to find a new place to take off and land..." He held his arms out wordlessly for Jack, and Carla handed him over without comment.
Jack, who was no longer crying but was certainly still looking rather shaken, curled into JD's shoulder instantly; JD held him, rocking back and forth a little. "Shhh," he murmured. "You're okay, Jack...you're fine," he whispered, moving to curl against Perry's shoulder. "Your daddy's right here, he's okay..." He paused, glancing up at Perry, who was watching him intently. "Both of us," he whispered, eyes misting a little at the look in Perry's eyes.
Perry swallowed, the after-effects of shock finally catching up to him. God, he could have lost JD... they could have both been lost, and where would that leave Jack? Perry had no doubt Carla would look after the child--but to lose his entire family in the space of a month? Even at one year old, that would leave its mark.
Suddenly, an irrational anger welled within him. JD should have known better. Sure it turned out fine this time, but what if next time it didn't? What if the next creature they pissed off didn't waste time with preliminaries like the gryphon had, and killed them both?
Perry clenched his jaw. Now was not the time to voice these fears, he knew. But he'd have to talk to JD about this, and soon. The kid couldn't go risking his life on a whim anymore. He was a father now--it came with the territory of being with Perry, and JD had accepted it as eagerly as anything. But being a father included making sacrifices, and JD was going to have to learn to accept that. Even if the sacrifice was Perry.
JD, for his part, rather desperately wanted to sit down. He couldn't believe he'd faced down a creature out of myth with nothing more than himself. And, for the first time, wished he knew how to use a gun. It had ended all right, this time, but who knew if they'd be so lucky again? He shuddered, leaning more heavily against Perry, then frowning when he noticed the tension in the other man's stance. He glanced up, reading that same tension in his face, and felt himself quailing a little. Great...now what?
"We should go in," Elliot said suddenly, softly but firmly, breaking the tension. "Carla, get hot water on for tea. Turk, build up the fire. Come on JD, Dr. Cox..." She coaxed them both inside, recognizing the symptoms of shock easily enough. Both men were trembling, skin cool and clammy to the touch, and she knew they needed to get warmed up quickly.
JD let her take charge, seeing all the signs of an approaching rant from Perry, and not sure he was up to it, just then. Time spent getting them settled, getting them warm was time he could use to prepare for it...Though he honestly wasn't sure how the hell the gryphon was his fault. He wasn't sure he could handle being told it was without losing his own temper, his badly frayed nerves having set him on a relatively unstable edge.
Fortunately, Elliot's maternal instincts had kicked in full gear, so neither of them was forced to confront the building tension between them. She led them inside, urging them to sit on the floor in front of the fireplace, where Turk was busy arranging some sticks into kindling.
"There's a package of starter logs in the garage," JD offered after a moment, proud that his voice only shook a little. Turk nodded his thanks and padded in that direction, pausing to squeeze JD's shoulder along the way. Carla was in the kitchen, doing as Elliot had instructed and making the tea; Elliot herself, who had disappeared, returned moments later with a large blanket and wrapped it around the two men.
"Just relax, okay?" she murmured. "We'll have the tea and the fire set up soon, and you'll feel better before you know it."
JD nodded at her briefly, snuggling into the blanket. She bit her lip, then climbed to her hooves and turned toward the kitchen, obviously intending to go help Carla with the tea. As she passed him, however, Perry's hand shot out and encircled her wrist. She started, looking down at him; he was still staring straight ahead, but he murmured, "Thanks, Barbie," very softly. He glanced up at her, then, releasing her hand. "I appreciate it."
Elliot blushed, eyes wide, but nodded. "No problem," she said softly, a tentative smile spreading across her face. "If either of you need anything..." she trailed off, and Perry nodded, returning his attention to the still-empty fireplace. Elliot waited for a moment, then turned and joined Carla in the kitchen, hooves thunking against the tile.
Half an hour later, the fire was blazing, and both JD and Perry clutched mugs of steaming tea, sweetened with honey and thickened with a little bit of milk. Despite his preference for coffee, Perry couldn't argue that the tea was doing much more to calm his nerves than coffee would have, and he was feeling a good deal better. Carla and Elliot had offered to take Jack upstairs and give him a bath before putting him down for a nap, which JD and Perry had consented to gratefully; Turk had gone around back to chop more firewood. They could hear the axe falling at regular intervals, and JD shivered at the sound, recalling the last time he'd heard it--the day Perry had gone into rejection. Not even two weeks ago, though it felt much, much longer. It had been the longest eight days of JD's life.
He leaned closer to the older doctor, absorbing the comfort of his presence and his warmth, and reflected ruefully that ever since that night he'd gone to Perry's apartment, the other man had been in danger. First the car wreck, then the rejection, then fighting off the mob of rioters in order to rescue JD's friends, and now the gryphon--it seemed the universe wasn't safe for mere humans any longer. JD found himself hoping rather fervently that Perry's change would hurry itself up and finish, so Perry wasn't quite so defenseless anymore.
The tension in Perry's body was palpable, and JD sighed, knowing that whatever was bothering the older doctor would have to be had out--and knowing Perry, the sooner, the better. "What is it?" he asked softly, keeping his eyes on the flickering of the fire.
Perry drew a breath and released it slowly through his nose, jaw still clenched. "Why'd you do it?" he finally said, voice quiet but intense.
JD briefly considered playing dumb, and asking what he meant, but rejected it after only a moment. Perry was already upset enough; JD didn't need to risk making it worse. "I had to," he replied simply. "You weren't going to make it out of the field in time...I couldn't leave you behind, not when there was something I could do..." And it sounded right, reasoned out like that. In the air, though...he didn't remember thinking it through that clearly. He just remembered reacting, a deep-seated instinct joining with the absolute certainty that he could not risk losing Perry. He'd nearly lost him already, and he'd already learned it wasn't something he could sit idly by and let happen. Not while there was anything he could do to stop it.
"Something you could do?" Perry repeated, incredulous. "Against... against that thing? Jesus, JD!"
"Okay, so maybe I didn't think," JD admitted, rubbing his forehead. "But I couldn't just leave you to face it alone!"
"No, Newbie, you didn't think," Perry growled, pulling away and turning to face the younger man. "That thing could've ripped you to shreds in a heartbeat if it'd really wanted, and how the hell would that have helped me?" He drew a breath. "First you get shot at, and now this...you've got to stop trying to play hero, JD," he said, voice low and serious. "Because eventually your luck's going to run out."
"What about yours?" JD shot back, surprised to hear the words coming out of his mouth, but knowing they were equally true. It was hardly fair, after all, for Perry to sit there and berate him for something he himself had been doing nearly non-stop. "You went hauling out of here this morning like fucking Rambo to face down the hordes of frightened rioting people with what--a shotgun? One box of shells?"
Perry scowled. "I went because the others were in trouble," he snapped. "And I at least had some idea what I was up against."
"Excuse me--I managed well enough with the gryphon, didn't I?"
"Luck," Perry growled. "If you hadn't figured it out..."
"And why do you think I did figure it out?" JD retorted, pulling back to glare at Perry. "It wasn't luck. I knew she was protecting a nest. She might as well have told me! It's the Change, Perry--it's giving me instincts. Instincts you don't have yet, I might add, so of the two of us, I think I'm more qualified to judge the fucked-up magical side of our current little situation, don't you? You on the other hand seem to get off by being the biggest badass there is, and you need to realize that you're not right now."
Perry drew back as if struck. "What are you suggesting?" he said quietly. "That I should've left them out there? You were pretty eager for me to go too, as I recall."
"Yeah, but you're the one who insisted on going the day after you came out of rejection, and you'd been a stubborn asshole up to that point anyway." JD pinched the bridge of his nose, letting out a long breath without opening his mouth, trying to calm down. The last thing they needed to be doing right now was fighting with each other, and he knew it was the stress of the day's events that was putting them on edge more than anything else. "Look," he said after a long moment, "you play hero a hell of a lot more often than I do, so find a different argument if you want to yell at me, all right?"
"All right, fine," Perry said, voice low and quaking with anger and fear. "If you won't be careful for your sake, then be careful for mine. Do you..." he broke off, shaking his head, and when he opened his eyes again they were wet with frustrated tears. "Do you have any idea," he continued, "what it would do to me, JD? If--if you were hurt, or heaven forbid killed, trying to save me?" He shook his head slowly. "I wouldn't be able to handle it. I honest to God wouldn't. And what about Jack?" He spread his hands, palms up. "What about him, JD? Look, I know why you came back for me. I do, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't grateful, or touched that you care that much. But you can't keep doing that. It's a fucking mess out in the world right now, and Jack is damned sure going to need someone to protect him. Even if it means he can't have us both." He stared at JD hard, desperately hoping the younger doctor understood. "You're a father now, JD," he whispered. "It's part of the deal, when you hook up with me. And it means you don't come first anymore--and neither do I. If it comes down to protecting me or protecting Jack, I damned sure expect you to protect Jack. And that means you've got to start protecting yourself, so at least one of us is still here for him, should the worst happen."
Fuck. He's right. JD sighed, leaning back again, closing his eyes. "You're right," he said quietly. "He does come first..." But Perry hadn't mentioned Jack first, JD realized slowly. He'd mentioned what JD's injury or death would do to him...and only after brought up his--their--son. Of course, he was still right--bastard--but that didn't mean he was off the hook. "All right," JD said finally, slowly. "I won't try to protect you again, not when it could get both of us killed. But that also means you're not allowed to try to protect me." He lifted his eyebrow at Perry, crossing his arms, knowing he had him cornered by his own logic. "Right?"
Perry's eyes widened, his mouth hanging open. Then he closed it, and swallowed, looking down. Shit. JD was right, but...Jesus, Perry didn't know if that was a promise he could keep. It had seemed so simple, the other way around, but the thought of standing by and doing nothing while JD was in trouble...
What's the matter, Per? mocked a sly voice within him. Talk the talk, but can you walk the walk? It's only fair that you realize what you're asking of him, isn't it?
"I...yeah," he finally agreed, but despite his best efforts couldn't bring himself to meet JD's eyes as he said it.
JD felt no triumph at having caught Perry out. He set his empty mug aside, and shifted close again to lay his head against Perry's shoulder. "You know I love you as much as you love me, right?" he asked softly. "Don't doubt that I wouldn't risk just as much as you would. I promise, I'll do the best I can, and I'll protect Jack with my life. But I can't promise I'll watch you die. Because it'd do just as much to me as losing me would do to you."
Perry closed his eyes and lowered his head, resting it against JD's. He felt defeated, but rather than make him feel bad, it made him feel somehow lighter. JD's words made him realize, finally, that he wasn't alone in this--that JD was not another helpless child to protect, but an equal, more than capable of looking after himself--and more than capable of protecting Perry and Jack, too. Hell, he'd proven that time and time again, hadn't he? Perry simply hadn't wanted to see. Hadn't wanted to realize what it meant.
I told him we were in this together, he realized slowly. But I didn't believe it until now, did I?
He swallowed, feeling a tear slip past his eyelid and trickle slowly down his face. He wilted, curling into JD's side and hiding his face in the young man's neck.
"Yeah," he whispered at last in response to JD's question. "I know." And, finally, he did. "God, we're one messed-up family, aren't we?"
JD laughed brokenly, but curled around Perry, one wing wrapping around him as well. "Well...we all love each other, at least. God, we were fighting because we're both too willing to risk our lives for each other..."
Perry nodded, arms coming up to wrap tightly around JD. "Guess it could be worse," he agreed. "Though having someone care that much what I do with myself will definitely take some getting used to."
"For me, too," JD admitted, very softly. "I mean...they cared about my grades, about getting to brag about a doctor in the family...but not about me."
"Your brother did," Perry replied, deciding a promise made to a dead man could be broken, in a time like this.
JD raised his head, surprised. "He...what?"
Perry smiled, though it was sad. "He chewed me out, the last time he was here," he replied. "Told me you hung on my every word, and since you would never look up to him like you did me, I'd better start taking that responsibility more seriously."
"Oh," JD breathed. He felt his eyes fill with tears, and he pressed tight against Perry again. It hurt, knowing he would never get to thank Dan for his unexpected thoughtfulness, but...it was good to know about it, even if it hurt. Not for the first time, JD felt himself aching for Dan's loss--not just for his life, but for the loss of the chance to be friends with him. "Oh, Dan..." he moaned, curling in tighter against Perry.
Perry tightened his arms, holding the younger man as he cried. "He loved you, JD," he whispered. "So much. And I know your parents did too, even if they weren't the best at showing it."
JD nodded, knowing it was true, for all his own complaints. They had been crap at expressing emotions in his family--he sometimes wondered if he was so open with his friends just because they'd actually acknowledge that they liked him--but Perry was right. He'd still known, deep down, that they cared. "Sorry," he mumbled, when his tears finally slowed. "We were talking about us, not me..."
Perry chuckled, pulling back enough to take JD's face between his hands. "Don't know if you'd noticed, Newbie," he murmured. "But you're a part of 'us.' A pretty important part, in fact." He smiled, stroking JD's hair back from his brow. "Your family was lucky to have you," he said softly. "And I know they were as proud of you as I am."
"You know, saying things like that isn't going to make me stop crying," JD managed, fresh tears pushing their way out. But he smiled, though it shook.
Perry's expression softened, and he reached up to brush at the tears with the pads of his thumbs, cradling JD's face between his palms. "Sorry," he murmured. "But it's the truth. Enjoy it while you can, I won't be this touchy-feely for long." He winked.
JD's smile widened a little, and he nuzzled into Perry's touch, letting his eyes close. "I love you," he said quietly. "And I'm so glad to...to be a part of your family, now. Even if we are all a little screwed up." He leaned forward and kissed Perry softly, before curling close against him again. "I just realized I've been up and worried since two in the morning. And you drove eight hours, fought off a mob, and then everything back here...I think we deserve naps. After you eat," he added, nudging Perry's ribs a little and smiling. "Gotta keep those wings fed."
"Oh! Yeah, good point," Perry said, though he frowned a little. In truth, though he hadn't eaten since lunch, he realized he wasn't really all that hungry--not as hungry as he should be. But he'd been stressed, and Change or no, believing he and JD were going to get ripped to shreds was enough to drive thoughts of hunger from anyone's mind.
JD was watching him, eyebrows raised. "Hey," he said. "You okay?"
"Huh? Oh, yeah," Perry replied, drawn from his thoughts. He shook his head, grinning. "Sorry. Just distracted. Food. Let's go." He climbed to his feet and reached down to offer JD a hand up. The younger man took it, but didn't let go as they walked to the kitchen.
Perry settled on the leftover macaroni, which he ate cold standing by the breakfast bar, occasionally giving JD a bite. Then, depositing the dishes in the sink, he took JD's hand in his once more. "Come on."
He led him up the stairs, pausing only long enough to glance into Ben's bedroom, where Elliot and Carla were playing with Jack. "We're going to take a nap," he informed them. "Since we've both been up for ages taking care of your furry asses."
Carla gave him a Look, but nodded. "Go on, then," she said. "We'll wake you when dinner's ready."
Perry nodded, and walked by the room; JD paused to smile a little shyly at the girls. "Hey, I...thanks," he said. "For, you know...taking care of Jack, and cooking, and just..." he trailed off, not knowing how to thank them for being there, for caring, for accepting he and Perry and for being the family his own hadn't known how to be.
Luckily, they seemed to understand, glancing at each other before smiling back up at him gently. "We love you, too," Elliot said simply, climbing to her feet and moving forward to wrap him in a brief hug. "And we were worried about you."
He leaned against her, head pressed to her collarbone--it was strange, that she was so much taller than him now. Strange and not strange at the same time. She was still his Elliot, after all. He gave her one more squeeze before releasing her. "Love you too," he murmured, grinning up at her.
"Go get some sleep, JD," she instructed, ruffling his hair; he ducked away, laughing, but nodded. He turned his head, looking down the hall and meeting Perry's eyes; the older man had paused in the doorway of their room and was waiting for him, eyebrows lifted expectantly. "Okay," he agreed, nodding at Elliot. "See you guys in a while."
Then he moved forward, walking into Perry's arms as the older doctor drew him into the bedroom and settled him down onto the bed.
JD sighed, sinking gratefully into the mattress while Perry walked over to the window and closed the blinds, then drew the curtains; the room fell into almost total darkness. "Get over here," JD murmured, holding out his arms to Perry's silhouette.
Perry obeyed, crawling in beside JD and settling down on his side, wrapping his arm over JD's shoulders. JD sighed, snuggling close, too sleepy to do much more than nuzzle a little at the older man's throat. He draped a wing over him, and drew a deep breath, taking in the smell of laundry detergent and aftershave and the faint masculine musk that was just Perry. "'Night," he murmured, already half asleep.
"Goodnight, Newbie. Sleep well."
* * *
JD was flying.
Perry stood on a precipice--an overlook he recognized as one he and Ben had often hiked to, when they stayed out in the woods, but this one was exaggerated. Higher, more dramatic. Perry stood at the very edge, staring up at the sky, watching as JD swooped and swerved, looping and laughing and calling Perry to join him.
But he couldn't. And JD knew he couldn't, surely he knew? Perry's wings were barely two feet long; he couldn't.
So he stood, rooted to the earth, watching, feeling his heart breaking and not knowing why, while JD swirled higher and higher, laughing joyously.
"Wait," Perry called, but his voice was swallowed in the wind. "Wait, please. Wait for me!"
JD swooped lower again, holding out his arms, a smile on his face. "Come on!"
Perry shook his head. "I can't," he whispered brokenly.
JD's smile faded slowly, and he hovered, maybe two hundred yards away from where Perry stood--the empty air stretched between them, a yawning, gaping drop, the forest just a vague blanket of snow-covered green so far below that Perry couldn't even make out the individual trees.
"You can't?" JD said softly, and his voice was heavy with disappointment.
Perry shook his head, heart constricting painfully. "I'm sorry," he said. "I can't."
JD's face fell; he slowly lowered his arms. "Oh," he said quietly, looking down. "I see."
Perry bit his lip. "I'm so sorry," he whispered again.
But JD just looked at him, his face a mask of disappointment, and as Perry watched, a feather fell free of JD's slowly-beating wings. It drifted slowly, falling toward the ground; then, suddenly, JD's wings began to disintegrate, feathers falling freely.
"JD!" Perry called in alarm. "JD, come back--your wings!"
"You can't," was all JD said in response, and his voice held all the sorrow and grief in the world. "You can't come with me."
"No!"
As he watched in horror, still rooted to the spot, JD's wings vanished completely; then JD was falling, plummeting toward the earth, helpless.
"NO!" Perry screamed.
Then, quite suddenly, the dream shifted. He was standing on the forest floor, and JD stood beside him, wings restored. At first, Perry felt only relief--JD was alive, he was okay--but when he moved forward to embrace the younger man in his relief, he suddenly realized that JD's face was blank, eyes staring sightlessly ahead. And the younger man's fingers were covered in blood, more dripping from his long, black feathers--and from a long carving knife he held loosely in one hand.
Perry moved forward carefully, horrified. "JD?" he whispered.
JD turned his head slowly, blinking at him, but did not reply.
Perry drew a quick breath, moving forward, trying to determine where the blood was coming from. "JD, what happened to you?" He murmured. "What's wrong? Where are you hurt?"
JD smiled, a blank, horrible, China doll smile. "Perry," he said softly, childishly. "I want to show you something."
"What?"
JD tilted his head, still smiling blankly; he moved to spread his wings, but as he did, they quivered, then with a horrible wet sucking noise, they fell, severed.
Perry lunged backward, horrified, as JD continued to smile at him. He lifted the knife, showing it to Perry, holding it in his open palms as if in offering.
"See?" he whispered, dropping to his knees as the blood ran from his back, staining the ground around them. "I did this for you, Perry. For you."
"No, no, no..." Perry moaned, wanting to move forward and help, or wanting to look away, but unable to do either. "Oh, Jesus, JD, no..."
"Now we match," JD whispered, before his eyes rolled back and he slumped backward, falling with a dull thud onto the forest floor.
Then, quite suddenly, Perry could move again. He staggered forward and dropped to his knees, reaching a trembling hand for JD's face. The young man's eyes were open, but blank, gazing sightlessly up; Perry could see the sky reflected endlessly in their empty blue depths.
"No," he whispered, shaking his head. "Oh, Jesus, no. What did you do? Why, JD?" His voice broke, and he fell forward, burying his face in JD's cold, still chest.
JD did not move, and Perry's heart shattered; he curled his hands into fists, clutching at JD's t-shirt, and wept.
* * *
JD wasn't sure how much later it was, when he woke up. It was dark, but that didn't mean much, not with the storms that kept blowing in. And at first he couldn't figure out what had woken him up, not when he was still exhausted, and aching for more sleep. Just aching, too; his shoulder was doing much better, but it wasn't exactly happy with the quick moves he'd pulled in the field. He grimaced, shifting a little, and rolled to his other side, intending to go back to sleep again.
Which was when he realized that Perry had pulled away from him, almost to the other side of the bed. The covers had fallen away from him, and he was curled in on himself, back to JD. JD could hear him muttering in his sleep, and he seemed to be arguing with someone.
JD frowned, and scooted toward him, snuggling in against his back. He encircled the older man's waist with his arm, then hissed a little as his bare arm met Perry's. "Jesus, you're freezing," he whispered. He hurriedly drew a wing over his lover as well, drawing him close, trying to quiet him. "Shhh, Perry, it's okay, it's just a dream..." he murmured, using his toes to try to catch a hold of the blankets Perry had kicked away in his distress.
"No," Perry whispered, and tears slipped from beneath his clenched eyelids. "Why...why did you...?"
JD frowned, and pressed closer, abandoning his attempts to pull up the blanket and shaking Perry's shoulder lightly instead. "Perry, wake up," he said, quietly but firmly. "You're dreaming. Wake up."
Perry gasped, jerking awake, then flailed for a second, disoriented. JD kept a tight hold on him, as much to keep him from jabbing him with his elbow as to comfort him. "Relax," he said gently. "You're safe, it was just a dream."
Perry stilled, then turned his head, trying to look over his shoulder. "JD?"
"Yeah," JD replied, releasing him and sliding backwards enough so Perry could roll onto his back.
He did, staring at JD, eyes wide and frightened and brows drawn close together. He reached out, hand trembling, and touched JD's cheek; JD let him, knowing it would be better to just let him get his bearings. Still, he smiled reassuringly, one hand moving to stroke Perry's side even as Perry's fingers continued to explore.
Then, in a gesture that perplexed the younger man, Perry propped himself up on his elbow and leaned forward, hand moving to the base of JD's wings. JD lifted his eyebrows as Perry poked and prodded, apparently looking for something. After a moment, when Perry drew his hand away, JD lifted one wing, unable to resist, and waved it a little. "Still there," he confirmed, lips quirking up in bemusement.
Perry slumped to the mattress, rolling to his back, and brought a trembling hand to his eyes, breathing heavily. "Jesus," he whispered.
The half-smile dropped immediately from JD's lips, and he scooted forward, reaching out to rest a hand on Perry's shoulder. "Hey," he murmured. "You okay?"
Perry drew a deep breath, but nodded. "I... yeah," he responded, voice a little hoarse. "Yeah, I'm fine."
JD's frown deepened. "You wanna talk about it...?"
Perry barked out what might've been a laugh, if it hadn't sounded so much like a sob. "No," he said shortly.
JD nodded. He hadn't really expected Perry to say yes, but he'd wanted to offer. "It's over, now," he reminded his lover, sliding his hand from Perry's shoulder to rest on his chest, feeling the thud of his heartbeat beneath his fingers. "It's okay. It wasn't real. It's over."
Perry swallowed, lowering his hand. The image of JD, blood soaked, with his wings severed, was burned into his mind forever; he knew he'd be seeing it in dreams for weeks, months, maybe even years to come. And he didn't have to be Freud to interpret its meaning, either; JD had already proven he'd risk his life for Perry, when he'd come back and fended off the gryphon.
Who knew what else he'd be willing to do for Perry's sake?
I'm a danger to him.
The words echoed suddenly in his mind; he had not consciously called them forward, but they may as well have been shouted. He was a danger to JD. As long as he could not defend himself, he would be a risk. A hazard. A weak link in the chain that the others had constructed together as they huddled in the confines of the cabin, hiding from the chaos of the outside world.
He opened his eyes when he felt JD's fingers creep up to rest on his cheek; the younger man was leaning over him, face a mask of worry, lower lip caught fast in his teeth. "Hey," he murmured, when Perry's eyes met his. "It's okay now, right? Just a nightmare."
Perry drew a shaky breath, then reached up, imploring; JD instantly lowered himself into Perry's arms, half atop the older man's body, and met his mouth in what he clearly meant to be a gentle kiss.
In the space of a breath, Perry turned it hot and demanding, wrapping his arms around JD's waist and half-urging, half-hauling the younger man up on top of him, bringing him to cover him completely. JD drew a startled breath but did not break the kiss, using one arm to brace himself as he shifted so he lay more comfortably atop his lover. Only then did he draw away, gazing intently down at Perry, hands moving up to cradle his cheeks. He seemed to be looking for something, eyes scanning Perry's face, brows drawn in concentration. Perry felt himself flushing under the scrutiny, and lowered his own eyes, embarrassed.
"Hey," JD murmured, stroking one hand up into the hair at Perry's temple. "Look at me."
Perry did, slowly, and found JD's eyes swimming with emotions: concern, tenderness, and most of all, a love so powerful Perry found he had to remind himself to breathe.
"I love you," JD said softly.
But somehow, instead of making him feel better, the younger man's words only made Perry feel worse. You shouldn't, he thought desperately, but he did not voice the thought. Instead, he forced his face to relax, his lips to curve up in a smile, and murmured, "I love you too."
Though the smile might not have been sincere, the words were, and whether it was the relative darkness of the room or something else, JD apparently was satisfied. He smiled, bending to kiss Perry once more, and Perry tightened his grip, drinking him in, determined to soak up as much of the younger man as he could.
He shouldn't be here whispered a small voice in the corner of his mind. He's everything you're not: freedom, light, air, joy, youth, beauty. What could you possibly do but drag him down?
Weakened by both his exhaustion and the lingering fear of his dream, he could not argue. The voice took up residence in a corner of his heart, a small, admonishing presence that told him every moment he stayed was a moment spent selfishly, that he would only ever be putting him in danger.
JD could feel Perry just getting tenser and tenser, and more and more upset, and finally decided he could let it keep happening, or he could try to distract him. Distraction seemed best. He ducked deepened his kiss, pressing in with tongue and teeth, willing the other man to respond to him.
Perry did so instantly, tightening his arms around JD, gripping the younger man's hips in his palms. He was shuddering, making odd little whimpers that JD swallowed and answered with further kisses. He dragged JD down, thrusting his hips up against the younger man's, desperate to block out the images of his dream, to feel JD warm and solid and whole against him.
JD didn't fight the move, just ground his hips down against Perry's, kicking free of the blankets, still kissing him just as forcefully. Whatever Perry's dream had been, it'd taken him away, and he seemed to be coming back now. And JD was willing to do whatever it took to bring him all the way back. If that happened to include sex, well...nice that he'd get to enjoy it, too.
Perry moaned softly, not breaking the kiss, grinding up in return. For a few long moments they stayed that way, hips pressed tightly together, rubbing sensuously. But after a while Perry broke the kiss, panting. "Take me," he whispered, and his voice was a rough, pleading whimper. "Please."
JD heard the words, but instead of making his heart leap, as he'd expected they would, he frowned. Perry sounded needful all right. In fact, he sounded downright desperate, but not in a good way. "Why now?" he found himself asking, kissing Perry again lightly before pulling back again to drop sucking bites along his neck.
"I..." Perry trailed off, squeezing his eyes closed, grinding his teeth against the sob that was squeezing at his throat. God. Get it together, Perry... "I just..." He shook his head, unable to explain. How was he supposed to tell JD he wanted the younger man to take him because he was hoping it would hurt? Hoping that the pain might be enough to erase the images of his dream, or silence the voices in his head that tormented him with other scenarios like it?
"Yeah, I thought so." JD kissed him again, but much more tenderly, the urgency gone from it. "Not like this, Perry. I will, God, believe me, I want to, but not like this. Not when you're about to cry..."
JD kissed Perry again, hands moving over the older man's arms, rubbing and massaging gently, trying to relax him. It was an uphill battle, and Perry fought against letting go of himself every step of the way. But JD was nothing if not persistent. "Talk to me," he murmured, finally, pulling away again. "Please?"
Perry stared up at him, wide-eyed. God--JD had just turned down...and for what? To talk?
Rather than want to mock him for it, however, Perry was simply genuinely amazed. He found himself speaking before he had the power to stop himself: "I'm... scared."
JD relaxed a little, when Perry finally answered, though the astonishment on his face right before had been amusing and a bit wounding. Then again, a big part of JD couldn't believe he hadn't jumped at the offer, either. And was kicking him for it. He ignored that voice, though, and nodded, kissing Perry again softly. "I figured. What of?"
"Of..." Perry trailed off, frowning. Of what?
I'm afraid of what you'll do, for my sake. I'm afraid of what might happen to you, if you come rushing in again like you did today, trying to play the hero.
That was it--or at least a large part of it--but it was deeper than that. It was more like he'd foiled the universe's plans by ending up with JD, and that somehow, someday, someone would take note of it and drag them apart again.
"I just..." he shook his head slowly. "This... this is so wonderful, but I'm... I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop, I guess." He shrugged, looking down, feeling embarrassed for making such a big deal out of it.
JD just kept from giggling. "The world going into complete upheaval seems like a pretty big shoe to me," he observed, kissing Perry softly. "The wings, the riots, the being forced into the hills...I love you, Perry, and finding you love me is one of the best things that's ever happened, but I don't think we're going to have to pay for this anymore than we already have. If you think we need to pay for it at all...I'm not sure the world works that way."
He kissed Perry again, for a long time, before pulling back and smiling softly. "You know you're stuck with me, right? I spent too long chasing you to let you get away now."
Perry smiled, though it was sad. "It's not you I'm worried about," he said softly.
"I'm not letting anything else take you away from me, either," JD said firmly, feeling he'd finally gotten to the heart of the matter. "I swear. Not if there's a thing I can do to stop it."
Perry drew a sharp breath. "That's what I'm afraid of," he murmured, but shook his head. "I'm sorry. Just... nightmare has me a little on edge, I think."
"I'm not surprised," JD replied, pressing close, shuddering a little. "I hate nightmares..."
Perry glanced down at him, frowning at his tone. "You been having nightmares, Newbie?" he murmured.
JD shrugged a little. "I usually sleep really well, really deeply...lately I haven't been. I've been dreaming a lot."
"Yeah? About what?"
JD raised an eyebrow. "What was yours about?"
Perry sighed. "You," he admitted softly.
"Yeah, well...fair's fair. Most of mine are about you." JD eased off of Perry, going to open the curtains, suddenly not wanting to have this conversation in the dark. It was snowing again, he saw, as he opened the blinds; the late afternoon light was dimmed by the storm clouds, but it was at least a little lighter than it had been. Fucking weird weather. "Do you know how many times I've had to be scared for you, since this thing started? And I keep dreaming...that you're lost somewhere, hurt, or maybe dying, and that...that it's my fault. And I try to find you but I can't, because it's like I can't move, and then when I do find you it's too late." He shook his head, looking down at his feet, trying not to let the images that had been haunting his dreams the past few weeks overtake him now.
Perry bit his lip, studying JD for a second; then, deciding JD deserved at least a little honesty from him, he began to speak. "In mine, you were flying," he murmured. "And you kept asking me to join you, but I couldn't, because I didn't have wings, and as soon as I told you that, your wings fell apart, and you...you fell." He stopped there, shuddering, and realized he couldn't speak of the rest of his dream; some distant, illogical part of his brain warned him against planting the idea in JD's head.
Besides, that was ridiculous. His wings would come in soon enough, and they would...he shuddered again. Match. That was how JD had put it, wasn't it?
JD looked back at him, wings slumped. "Our subconscious minds suck," he said gravely, before climbing back on the bed and curling close against Perry, almost hoping the unicorn would show up again.
"Tell me 'bout it," Perry murmured.
JD sighed, and was silent for a long moment. "They'll go away," he whispered at last. "When things calm down...when we don't have to be afraid anymore, our brains will stop torturing us. I mean, I almost never dream about showing up naked for a test I haven't studied for now..." he trailed off, then suddenly, he giggled.
Perry frowned at him, eyebrow lifted. "What could possibly be funny?"
JD blushed, but couldn't seem to stop smiling. "Oh...I dreamed once that I showed up naked at work, and hadn't done something you'd told me to--paperwork, or something minor like that. I was able to persuade you to forgive me. Thanks to my nakedness, and the fact that Kelso's office was empty..."
Perry raised his eyebrows, a delighted grin creeping across his face; his body, which had calmed considerably as they'd shared nightmares, began to stir once more. "Kelso's office? You did not."
JD nodded, biting his lip around his grin. "I did," he confirmed. "Actually...you did."
"Mmm. That so?" Perry teased, dragging JD on top of him again. "Care to show me how that went?"
JD hummed contentedly as he settled atop the other man, and rolled his hips down, rubbing against Perry again. "Well, Doctor," he panted. "I believe it was something like this..." And while the dream had involved a blow-job and a spanking, JD went directly for Perry's mouth, kissing him again deeply as his hips pressed down, guiding them into a delicious grind.
Perry moaned, the feel of JD's erection pressed tightly against his own sending shivers down his spine. "No complaints so far," he panted. "Continue."
JD did.
Afterwards, sweaty and sated and drifting back to sleep, JD leaned up to kiss Perry softly. “We’re going to be okay, you know,” he said, voice low. “We really are.”
Perry drew a deep breath and nodded, giving JD what he sincerely hoped was a reassuring smile. JD bought it, thankfully, smiling back before settling in against Perry’s shoulder again, arms wrapped around him securely. He drifted off quickly, slipping back into a light sleep.
But for Perry, sleep was slow in coming.
We’re going to be okay, JD had said.
Whether it was a lingering effect of the nightmare or something else entirely, however, Perry couldn’t shake the feeling that the worst was yet to come.
* * *
Next Chapter
* * *
Characters: John Dorian/Perry Cox
Rating: NC-17 (eventually)
Chapter Rating: R for language, sexual situations and violent content.
Description: This is a wildly AU story with fantastical elements based on
thuri's Nano writing project. It begins late in season three, before Carla and Turk's wedding, and from there follows the characters as they face the Change, a strange, magical phenomenon that is turning ordinary humans into half-human creatures from fantasy.Chapter listings: Contents Post
Announcement: We thank you all for being patient with us as we try to sort through these last few chapters. There are a few that will still need major alterations, and if we do not get said alterations taken care of in time we will have to revert to posting once a week until we're caught up again. However, we'll try not to do that whenever possible.
Chapter Warning: Gore, some graphic violent content!
The others were waiting outside when they finally came within view of the house. Elliot was prancing in place; Carla had taken over holding Jack, and Turk was shifting his weight nervously from foot to foot. When they rounded the corner, Carla visibly relaxed, casting her eyes heavenward briefly; Turk's tail began to wag, and Elliot reared slightly before springing forward, galloping until she was right in front of them.
"What happened?" she asked, voice high-pitched with worry. "What took so long? What was that thing? Why did we have to run?"
"Barbie!" Perry barked, stopping her rambling. "Be quiet for four seconds, would you, and we'll answer!"
JD was still shaking slightly, but smiled a little as Elliot settled down again. Turk and Carla had approached as well, and they pressed in close, warm bodies shielding him and Perry. He sighed, leaning against Perry and bringing one hand to drape over Turk's furred back. "It was a gryphon," he said. "And I guess I must've flown too close to her nest...she was warning us off."
"A gryphon?" Turk sputtered, eyebrows shooting up. "What the hell? That's impossible!"
"Said the wolf-man," Perry muttered, but JD elbowed him lightly to shush him.
"No more so than a unicorn, though, right?" he said, shrugging. "I guess the Changeling thing doesn't just encompass humans."
"A unicorn?" Elliot breathed, eyes going wide.
"So you think the gryphon used to be something else?" Carla asked dubiously. "Like what?"
"I don't know if that's what's going on or not," JD said, wondering why the others kept deferring to him. He may have Changed first, but that didn't mean he knew anything about any of this.
"Are you sure it was a gryphon?" Turk asked again, still looking doubtful.
"What the hell else could it have been?" Perry snapped. "It sure as hell wasn't anything I've ever seen out here before..."
"You really saw a unicorn?"
"Yes, Elliot, we did," JD said, exasperated. "And Turk: Eagle's head, eagle's wings, lion's body...yeah," he finished. "That's what I'd call it. She let us go when she realized we weren't a threat. But I think I'll need to find a new place to take off and land..." He held his arms out wordlessly for Jack, and Carla handed him over without comment.
Jack, who was no longer crying but was certainly still looking rather shaken, curled into JD's shoulder instantly; JD held him, rocking back and forth a little. "Shhh," he murmured. "You're okay, Jack...you're fine," he whispered, moving to curl against Perry's shoulder. "Your daddy's right here, he's okay..." He paused, glancing up at Perry, who was watching him intently. "Both of us," he whispered, eyes misting a little at the look in Perry's eyes.
Perry swallowed, the after-effects of shock finally catching up to him. God, he could have lost JD... they could have both been lost, and where would that leave Jack? Perry had no doubt Carla would look after the child--but to lose his entire family in the space of a month? Even at one year old, that would leave its mark.
Suddenly, an irrational anger welled within him. JD should have known better. Sure it turned out fine this time, but what if next time it didn't? What if the next creature they pissed off didn't waste time with preliminaries like the gryphon had, and killed them both?
Perry clenched his jaw. Now was not the time to voice these fears, he knew. But he'd have to talk to JD about this, and soon. The kid couldn't go risking his life on a whim anymore. He was a father now--it came with the territory of being with Perry, and JD had accepted it as eagerly as anything. But being a father included making sacrifices, and JD was going to have to learn to accept that. Even if the sacrifice was Perry.
JD, for his part, rather desperately wanted to sit down. He couldn't believe he'd faced down a creature out of myth with nothing more than himself. And, for the first time, wished he knew how to use a gun. It had ended all right, this time, but who knew if they'd be so lucky again? He shuddered, leaning more heavily against Perry, then frowning when he noticed the tension in the other man's stance. He glanced up, reading that same tension in his face, and felt himself quailing a little. Great...now what?
"We should go in," Elliot said suddenly, softly but firmly, breaking the tension. "Carla, get hot water on for tea. Turk, build up the fire. Come on JD, Dr. Cox..." She coaxed them both inside, recognizing the symptoms of shock easily enough. Both men were trembling, skin cool and clammy to the touch, and she knew they needed to get warmed up quickly.
JD let her take charge, seeing all the signs of an approaching rant from Perry, and not sure he was up to it, just then. Time spent getting them settled, getting them warm was time he could use to prepare for it...Though he honestly wasn't sure how the hell the gryphon was his fault. He wasn't sure he could handle being told it was without losing his own temper, his badly frayed nerves having set him on a relatively unstable edge.
Fortunately, Elliot's maternal instincts had kicked in full gear, so neither of them was forced to confront the building tension between them. She led them inside, urging them to sit on the floor in front of the fireplace, where Turk was busy arranging some sticks into kindling.
"There's a package of starter logs in the garage," JD offered after a moment, proud that his voice only shook a little. Turk nodded his thanks and padded in that direction, pausing to squeeze JD's shoulder along the way. Carla was in the kitchen, doing as Elliot had instructed and making the tea; Elliot herself, who had disappeared, returned moments later with a large blanket and wrapped it around the two men.
"Just relax, okay?" she murmured. "We'll have the tea and the fire set up soon, and you'll feel better before you know it."
JD nodded at her briefly, snuggling into the blanket. She bit her lip, then climbed to her hooves and turned toward the kitchen, obviously intending to go help Carla with the tea. As she passed him, however, Perry's hand shot out and encircled her wrist. She started, looking down at him; he was still staring straight ahead, but he murmured, "Thanks, Barbie," very softly. He glanced up at her, then, releasing her hand. "I appreciate it."
Elliot blushed, eyes wide, but nodded. "No problem," she said softly, a tentative smile spreading across her face. "If either of you need anything..." she trailed off, and Perry nodded, returning his attention to the still-empty fireplace. Elliot waited for a moment, then turned and joined Carla in the kitchen, hooves thunking against the tile.
Half an hour later, the fire was blazing, and both JD and Perry clutched mugs of steaming tea, sweetened with honey and thickened with a little bit of milk. Despite his preference for coffee, Perry couldn't argue that the tea was doing much more to calm his nerves than coffee would have, and he was feeling a good deal better. Carla and Elliot had offered to take Jack upstairs and give him a bath before putting him down for a nap, which JD and Perry had consented to gratefully; Turk had gone around back to chop more firewood. They could hear the axe falling at regular intervals, and JD shivered at the sound, recalling the last time he'd heard it--the day Perry had gone into rejection. Not even two weeks ago, though it felt much, much longer. It had been the longest eight days of JD's life.
He leaned closer to the older doctor, absorbing the comfort of his presence and his warmth, and reflected ruefully that ever since that night he'd gone to Perry's apartment, the other man had been in danger. First the car wreck, then the rejection, then fighting off the mob of rioters in order to rescue JD's friends, and now the gryphon--it seemed the universe wasn't safe for mere humans any longer. JD found himself hoping rather fervently that Perry's change would hurry itself up and finish, so Perry wasn't quite so defenseless anymore.
The tension in Perry's body was palpable, and JD sighed, knowing that whatever was bothering the older doctor would have to be had out--and knowing Perry, the sooner, the better. "What is it?" he asked softly, keeping his eyes on the flickering of the fire.
Perry drew a breath and released it slowly through his nose, jaw still clenched. "Why'd you do it?" he finally said, voice quiet but intense.
JD briefly considered playing dumb, and asking what he meant, but rejected it after only a moment. Perry was already upset enough; JD didn't need to risk making it worse. "I had to," he replied simply. "You weren't going to make it out of the field in time...I couldn't leave you behind, not when there was something I could do..." And it sounded right, reasoned out like that. In the air, though...he didn't remember thinking it through that clearly. He just remembered reacting, a deep-seated instinct joining with the absolute certainty that he could not risk losing Perry. He'd nearly lost him already, and he'd already learned it wasn't something he could sit idly by and let happen. Not while there was anything he could do to stop it.
"Something you could do?" Perry repeated, incredulous. "Against... against that thing? Jesus, JD!"
"Okay, so maybe I didn't think," JD admitted, rubbing his forehead. "But I couldn't just leave you to face it alone!"
"No, Newbie, you didn't think," Perry growled, pulling away and turning to face the younger man. "That thing could've ripped you to shreds in a heartbeat if it'd really wanted, and how the hell would that have helped me?" He drew a breath. "First you get shot at, and now this...you've got to stop trying to play hero, JD," he said, voice low and serious. "Because eventually your luck's going to run out."
"What about yours?" JD shot back, surprised to hear the words coming out of his mouth, but knowing they were equally true. It was hardly fair, after all, for Perry to sit there and berate him for something he himself had been doing nearly non-stop. "You went hauling out of here this morning like fucking Rambo to face down the hordes of frightened rioting people with what--a shotgun? One box of shells?"
Perry scowled. "I went because the others were in trouble," he snapped. "And I at least had some idea what I was up against."
"Excuse me--I managed well enough with the gryphon, didn't I?"
"Luck," Perry growled. "If you hadn't figured it out..."
"And why do you think I did figure it out?" JD retorted, pulling back to glare at Perry. "It wasn't luck. I knew she was protecting a nest. She might as well have told me! It's the Change, Perry--it's giving me instincts. Instincts you don't have yet, I might add, so of the two of us, I think I'm more qualified to judge the fucked-up magical side of our current little situation, don't you? You on the other hand seem to get off by being the biggest badass there is, and you need to realize that you're not right now."
Perry drew back as if struck. "What are you suggesting?" he said quietly. "That I should've left them out there? You were pretty eager for me to go too, as I recall."
"Yeah, but you're the one who insisted on going the day after you came out of rejection, and you'd been a stubborn asshole up to that point anyway." JD pinched the bridge of his nose, letting out a long breath without opening his mouth, trying to calm down. The last thing they needed to be doing right now was fighting with each other, and he knew it was the stress of the day's events that was putting them on edge more than anything else. "Look," he said after a long moment, "you play hero a hell of a lot more often than I do, so find a different argument if you want to yell at me, all right?"
"All right, fine," Perry said, voice low and quaking with anger and fear. "If you won't be careful for your sake, then be careful for mine. Do you..." he broke off, shaking his head, and when he opened his eyes again they were wet with frustrated tears. "Do you have any idea," he continued, "what it would do to me, JD? If--if you were hurt, or heaven forbid killed, trying to save me?" He shook his head slowly. "I wouldn't be able to handle it. I honest to God wouldn't. And what about Jack?" He spread his hands, palms up. "What about him, JD? Look, I know why you came back for me. I do, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't grateful, or touched that you care that much. But you can't keep doing that. It's a fucking mess out in the world right now, and Jack is damned sure going to need someone to protect him. Even if it means he can't have us both." He stared at JD hard, desperately hoping the younger doctor understood. "You're a father now, JD," he whispered. "It's part of the deal, when you hook up with me. And it means you don't come first anymore--and neither do I. If it comes down to protecting me or protecting Jack, I damned sure expect you to protect Jack. And that means you've got to start protecting yourself, so at least one of us is still here for him, should the worst happen."
Fuck. He's right. JD sighed, leaning back again, closing his eyes. "You're right," he said quietly. "He does come first..." But Perry hadn't mentioned Jack first, JD realized slowly. He'd mentioned what JD's injury or death would do to him...and only after brought up his--their--son. Of course, he was still right--bastard--but that didn't mean he was off the hook. "All right," JD said finally, slowly. "I won't try to protect you again, not when it could get both of us killed. But that also means you're not allowed to try to protect me." He lifted his eyebrow at Perry, crossing his arms, knowing he had him cornered by his own logic. "Right?"
Perry's eyes widened, his mouth hanging open. Then he closed it, and swallowed, looking down. Shit. JD was right, but...Jesus, Perry didn't know if that was a promise he could keep. It had seemed so simple, the other way around, but the thought of standing by and doing nothing while JD was in trouble...
What's the matter, Per? mocked a sly voice within him. Talk the talk, but can you walk the walk? It's only fair that you realize what you're asking of him, isn't it?
"I...yeah," he finally agreed, but despite his best efforts couldn't bring himself to meet JD's eyes as he said it.
JD felt no triumph at having caught Perry out. He set his empty mug aside, and shifted close again to lay his head against Perry's shoulder. "You know I love you as much as you love me, right?" he asked softly. "Don't doubt that I wouldn't risk just as much as you would. I promise, I'll do the best I can, and I'll protect Jack with my life. But I can't promise I'll watch you die. Because it'd do just as much to me as losing me would do to you."
Perry closed his eyes and lowered his head, resting it against JD's. He felt defeated, but rather than make him feel bad, it made him feel somehow lighter. JD's words made him realize, finally, that he wasn't alone in this--that JD was not another helpless child to protect, but an equal, more than capable of looking after himself--and more than capable of protecting Perry and Jack, too. Hell, he'd proven that time and time again, hadn't he? Perry simply hadn't wanted to see. Hadn't wanted to realize what it meant.
I told him we were in this together, he realized slowly. But I didn't believe it until now, did I?
He swallowed, feeling a tear slip past his eyelid and trickle slowly down his face. He wilted, curling into JD's side and hiding his face in the young man's neck.
"Yeah," he whispered at last in response to JD's question. "I know." And, finally, he did. "God, we're one messed-up family, aren't we?"
JD laughed brokenly, but curled around Perry, one wing wrapping around him as well. "Well...we all love each other, at least. God, we were fighting because we're both too willing to risk our lives for each other..."
Perry nodded, arms coming up to wrap tightly around JD. "Guess it could be worse," he agreed. "Though having someone care that much what I do with myself will definitely take some getting used to."
"For me, too," JD admitted, very softly. "I mean...they cared about my grades, about getting to brag about a doctor in the family...but not about me."
"Your brother did," Perry replied, deciding a promise made to a dead man could be broken, in a time like this.
JD raised his head, surprised. "He...what?"
Perry smiled, though it was sad. "He chewed me out, the last time he was here," he replied. "Told me you hung on my every word, and since you would never look up to him like you did me, I'd better start taking that responsibility more seriously."
"Oh," JD breathed. He felt his eyes fill with tears, and he pressed tight against Perry again. It hurt, knowing he would never get to thank Dan for his unexpected thoughtfulness, but...it was good to know about it, even if it hurt. Not for the first time, JD felt himself aching for Dan's loss--not just for his life, but for the loss of the chance to be friends with him. "Oh, Dan..." he moaned, curling in tighter against Perry.
Perry tightened his arms, holding the younger man as he cried. "He loved you, JD," he whispered. "So much. And I know your parents did too, even if they weren't the best at showing it."
JD nodded, knowing it was true, for all his own complaints. They had been crap at expressing emotions in his family--he sometimes wondered if he was so open with his friends just because they'd actually acknowledge that they liked him--but Perry was right. He'd still known, deep down, that they cared. "Sorry," he mumbled, when his tears finally slowed. "We were talking about us, not me..."
Perry chuckled, pulling back enough to take JD's face between his hands. "Don't know if you'd noticed, Newbie," he murmured. "But you're a part of 'us.' A pretty important part, in fact." He smiled, stroking JD's hair back from his brow. "Your family was lucky to have you," he said softly. "And I know they were as proud of you as I am."
"You know, saying things like that isn't going to make me stop crying," JD managed, fresh tears pushing their way out. But he smiled, though it shook.
Perry's expression softened, and he reached up to brush at the tears with the pads of his thumbs, cradling JD's face between his palms. "Sorry," he murmured. "But it's the truth. Enjoy it while you can, I won't be this touchy-feely for long." He winked.
JD's smile widened a little, and he nuzzled into Perry's touch, letting his eyes close. "I love you," he said quietly. "And I'm so glad to...to be a part of your family, now. Even if we are all a little screwed up." He leaned forward and kissed Perry softly, before curling close against him again. "I just realized I've been up and worried since two in the morning. And you drove eight hours, fought off a mob, and then everything back here...I think we deserve naps. After you eat," he added, nudging Perry's ribs a little and smiling. "Gotta keep those wings fed."
"Oh! Yeah, good point," Perry said, though he frowned a little. In truth, though he hadn't eaten since lunch, he realized he wasn't really all that hungry--not as hungry as he should be. But he'd been stressed, and Change or no, believing he and JD were going to get ripped to shreds was enough to drive thoughts of hunger from anyone's mind.
JD was watching him, eyebrows raised. "Hey," he said. "You okay?"
"Huh? Oh, yeah," Perry replied, drawn from his thoughts. He shook his head, grinning. "Sorry. Just distracted. Food. Let's go." He climbed to his feet and reached down to offer JD a hand up. The younger man took it, but didn't let go as they walked to the kitchen.
Perry settled on the leftover macaroni, which he ate cold standing by the breakfast bar, occasionally giving JD a bite. Then, depositing the dishes in the sink, he took JD's hand in his once more. "Come on."
He led him up the stairs, pausing only long enough to glance into Ben's bedroom, where Elliot and Carla were playing with Jack. "We're going to take a nap," he informed them. "Since we've both been up for ages taking care of your furry asses."
Carla gave him a Look, but nodded. "Go on, then," she said. "We'll wake you when dinner's ready."
Perry nodded, and walked by the room; JD paused to smile a little shyly at the girls. "Hey, I...thanks," he said. "For, you know...taking care of Jack, and cooking, and just..." he trailed off, not knowing how to thank them for being there, for caring, for accepting he and Perry and for being the family his own hadn't known how to be.
Luckily, they seemed to understand, glancing at each other before smiling back up at him gently. "We love you, too," Elliot said simply, climbing to her feet and moving forward to wrap him in a brief hug. "And we were worried about you."
He leaned against her, head pressed to her collarbone--it was strange, that she was so much taller than him now. Strange and not strange at the same time. She was still his Elliot, after all. He gave her one more squeeze before releasing her. "Love you too," he murmured, grinning up at her.
"Go get some sleep, JD," she instructed, ruffling his hair; he ducked away, laughing, but nodded. He turned his head, looking down the hall and meeting Perry's eyes; the older man had paused in the doorway of their room and was waiting for him, eyebrows lifted expectantly. "Okay," he agreed, nodding at Elliot. "See you guys in a while."
Then he moved forward, walking into Perry's arms as the older doctor drew him into the bedroom and settled him down onto the bed.
JD sighed, sinking gratefully into the mattress while Perry walked over to the window and closed the blinds, then drew the curtains; the room fell into almost total darkness. "Get over here," JD murmured, holding out his arms to Perry's silhouette.
Perry obeyed, crawling in beside JD and settling down on his side, wrapping his arm over JD's shoulders. JD sighed, snuggling close, too sleepy to do much more than nuzzle a little at the older man's throat. He draped a wing over him, and drew a deep breath, taking in the smell of laundry detergent and aftershave and the faint masculine musk that was just Perry. "'Night," he murmured, already half asleep.
"Goodnight, Newbie. Sleep well."
* * *
JD was flying.
Perry stood on a precipice--an overlook he recognized as one he and Ben had often hiked to, when they stayed out in the woods, but this one was exaggerated. Higher, more dramatic. Perry stood at the very edge, staring up at the sky, watching as JD swooped and swerved, looping and laughing and calling Perry to join him.
But he couldn't. And JD knew he couldn't, surely he knew? Perry's wings were barely two feet long; he couldn't.
So he stood, rooted to the earth, watching, feeling his heart breaking and not knowing why, while JD swirled higher and higher, laughing joyously.
"Wait," Perry called, but his voice was swallowed in the wind. "Wait, please. Wait for me!"
JD swooped lower again, holding out his arms, a smile on his face. "Come on!"
Perry shook his head. "I can't," he whispered brokenly.
JD's smile faded slowly, and he hovered, maybe two hundred yards away from where Perry stood--the empty air stretched between them, a yawning, gaping drop, the forest just a vague blanket of snow-covered green so far below that Perry couldn't even make out the individual trees.
"You can't?" JD said softly, and his voice was heavy with disappointment.
Perry shook his head, heart constricting painfully. "I'm sorry," he said. "I can't."
JD's face fell; he slowly lowered his arms. "Oh," he said quietly, looking down. "I see."
Perry bit his lip. "I'm so sorry," he whispered again.
But JD just looked at him, his face a mask of disappointment, and as Perry watched, a feather fell free of JD's slowly-beating wings. It drifted slowly, falling toward the ground; then, suddenly, JD's wings began to disintegrate, feathers falling freely.
"JD!" Perry called in alarm. "JD, come back--your wings!"
"You can't," was all JD said in response, and his voice held all the sorrow and grief in the world. "You can't come with me."
"No!"
As he watched in horror, still rooted to the spot, JD's wings vanished completely; then JD was falling, plummeting toward the earth, helpless.
"NO!" Perry screamed.
Then, quite suddenly, the dream shifted. He was standing on the forest floor, and JD stood beside him, wings restored. At first, Perry felt only relief--JD was alive, he was okay--but when he moved forward to embrace the younger man in his relief, he suddenly realized that JD's face was blank, eyes staring sightlessly ahead. And the younger man's fingers were covered in blood, more dripping from his long, black feathers--and from a long carving knife he held loosely in one hand.
Perry moved forward carefully, horrified. "JD?" he whispered.
JD turned his head slowly, blinking at him, but did not reply.
Perry drew a quick breath, moving forward, trying to determine where the blood was coming from. "JD, what happened to you?" He murmured. "What's wrong? Where are you hurt?"
JD smiled, a blank, horrible, China doll smile. "Perry," he said softly, childishly. "I want to show you something."
"What?"
JD tilted his head, still smiling blankly; he moved to spread his wings, but as he did, they quivered, then with a horrible wet sucking noise, they fell, severed.
Perry lunged backward, horrified, as JD continued to smile at him. He lifted the knife, showing it to Perry, holding it in his open palms as if in offering.
"See?" he whispered, dropping to his knees as the blood ran from his back, staining the ground around them. "I did this for you, Perry. For you."
"No, no, no..." Perry moaned, wanting to move forward and help, or wanting to look away, but unable to do either. "Oh, Jesus, JD, no..."
"Now we match," JD whispered, before his eyes rolled back and he slumped backward, falling with a dull thud onto the forest floor.
Then, quite suddenly, Perry could move again. He staggered forward and dropped to his knees, reaching a trembling hand for JD's face. The young man's eyes were open, but blank, gazing sightlessly up; Perry could see the sky reflected endlessly in their empty blue depths.
"No," he whispered, shaking his head. "Oh, Jesus, no. What did you do? Why, JD?" His voice broke, and he fell forward, burying his face in JD's cold, still chest.
JD did not move, and Perry's heart shattered; he curled his hands into fists, clutching at JD's t-shirt, and wept.
* * *
JD wasn't sure how much later it was, when he woke up. It was dark, but that didn't mean much, not with the storms that kept blowing in. And at first he couldn't figure out what had woken him up, not when he was still exhausted, and aching for more sleep. Just aching, too; his shoulder was doing much better, but it wasn't exactly happy with the quick moves he'd pulled in the field. He grimaced, shifting a little, and rolled to his other side, intending to go back to sleep again.
Which was when he realized that Perry had pulled away from him, almost to the other side of the bed. The covers had fallen away from him, and he was curled in on himself, back to JD. JD could hear him muttering in his sleep, and he seemed to be arguing with someone.
JD frowned, and scooted toward him, snuggling in against his back. He encircled the older man's waist with his arm, then hissed a little as his bare arm met Perry's. "Jesus, you're freezing," he whispered. He hurriedly drew a wing over his lover as well, drawing him close, trying to quiet him. "Shhh, Perry, it's okay, it's just a dream..." he murmured, using his toes to try to catch a hold of the blankets Perry had kicked away in his distress.
"No," Perry whispered, and tears slipped from beneath his clenched eyelids. "Why...why did you...?"
JD frowned, and pressed closer, abandoning his attempts to pull up the blanket and shaking Perry's shoulder lightly instead. "Perry, wake up," he said, quietly but firmly. "You're dreaming. Wake up."
Perry gasped, jerking awake, then flailed for a second, disoriented. JD kept a tight hold on him, as much to keep him from jabbing him with his elbow as to comfort him. "Relax," he said gently. "You're safe, it was just a dream."
Perry stilled, then turned his head, trying to look over his shoulder. "JD?"
"Yeah," JD replied, releasing him and sliding backwards enough so Perry could roll onto his back.
He did, staring at JD, eyes wide and frightened and brows drawn close together. He reached out, hand trembling, and touched JD's cheek; JD let him, knowing it would be better to just let him get his bearings. Still, he smiled reassuringly, one hand moving to stroke Perry's side even as Perry's fingers continued to explore.
Then, in a gesture that perplexed the younger man, Perry propped himself up on his elbow and leaned forward, hand moving to the base of JD's wings. JD lifted his eyebrows as Perry poked and prodded, apparently looking for something. After a moment, when Perry drew his hand away, JD lifted one wing, unable to resist, and waved it a little. "Still there," he confirmed, lips quirking up in bemusement.
Perry slumped to the mattress, rolling to his back, and brought a trembling hand to his eyes, breathing heavily. "Jesus," he whispered.
The half-smile dropped immediately from JD's lips, and he scooted forward, reaching out to rest a hand on Perry's shoulder. "Hey," he murmured. "You okay?"
Perry drew a deep breath, but nodded. "I... yeah," he responded, voice a little hoarse. "Yeah, I'm fine."
JD's frown deepened. "You wanna talk about it...?"
Perry barked out what might've been a laugh, if it hadn't sounded so much like a sob. "No," he said shortly.
JD nodded. He hadn't really expected Perry to say yes, but he'd wanted to offer. "It's over, now," he reminded his lover, sliding his hand from Perry's shoulder to rest on his chest, feeling the thud of his heartbeat beneath his fingers. "It's okay. It wasn't real. It's over."
Perry swallowed, lowering his hand. The image of JD, blood soaked, with his wings severed, was burned into his mind forever; he knew he'd be seeing it in dreams for weeks, months, maybe even years to come. And he didn't have to be Freud to interpret its meaning, either; JD had already proven he'd risk his life for Perry, when he'd come back and fended off the gryphon.
Who knew what else he'd be willing to do for Perry's sake?
I'm a danger to him.
The words echoed suddenly in his mind; he had not consciously called them forward, but they may as well have been shouted. He was a danger to JD. As long as he could not defend himself, he would be a risk. A hazard. A weak link in the chain that the others had constructed together as they huddled in the confines of the cabin, hiding from the chaos of the outside world.
He opened his eyes when he felt JD's fingers creep up to rest on his cheek; the younger man was leaning over him, face a mask of worry, lower lip caught fast in his teeth. "Hey," he murmured, when Perry's eyes met his. "It's okay now, right? Just a nightmare."
Perry drew a shaky breath, then reached up, imploring; JD instantly lowered himself into Perry's arms, half atop the older man's body, and met his mouth in what he clearly meant to be a gentle kiss.
In the space of a breath, Perry turned it hot and demanding, wrapping his arms around JD's waist and half-urging, half-hauling the younger man up on top of him, bringing him to cover him completely. JD drew a startled breath but did not break the kiss, using one arm to brace himself as he shifted so he lay more comfortably atop his lover. Only then did he draw away, gazing intently down at Perry, hands moving up to cradle his cheeks. He seemed to be looking for something, eyes scanning Perry's face, brows drawn in concentration. Perry felt himself flushing under the scrutiny, and lowered his own eyes, embarrassed.
"Hey," JD murmured, stroking one hand up into the hair at Perry's temple. "Look at me."
Perry did, slowly, and found JD's eyes swimming with emotions: concern, tenderness, and most of all, a love so powerful Perry found he had to remind himself to breathe.
"I love you," JD said softly.
But somehow, instead of making him feel better, the younger man's words only made Perry feel worse. You shouldn't, he thought desperately, but he did not voice the thought. Instead, he forced his face to relax, his lips to curve up in a smile, and murmured, "I love you too."
Though the smile might not have been sincere, the words were, and whether it was the relative darkness of the room or something else, JD apparently was satisfied. He smiled, bending to kiss Perry once more, and Perry tightened his grip, drinking him in, determined to soak up as much of the younger man as he could.
He shouldn't be here whispered a small voice in the corner of his mind. He's everything you're not: freedom, light, air, joy, youth, beauty. What could you possibly do but drag him down?
Weakened by both his exhaustion and the lingering fear of his dream, he could not argue. The voice took up residence in a corner of his heart, a small, admonishing presence that told him every moment he stayed was a moment spent selfishly, that he would only ever be putting him in danger.
JD could feel Perry just getting tenser and tenser, and more and more upset, and finally decided he could let it keep happening, or he could try to distract him. Distraction seemed best. He ducked deepened his kiss, pressing in with tongue and teeth, willing the other man to respond to him.
Perry did so instantly, tightening his arms around JD, gripping the younger man's hips in his palms. He was shuddering, making odd little whimpers that JD swallowed and answered with further kisses. He dragged JD down, thrusting his hips up against the younger man's, desperate to block out the images of his dream, to feel JD warm and solid and whole against him.
JD didn't fight the move, just ground his hips down against Perry's, kicking free of the blankets, still kissing him just as forcefully. Whatever Perry's dream had been, it'd taken him away, and he seemed to be coming back now. And JD was willing to do whatever it took to bring him all the way back. If that happened to include sex, well...nice that he'd get to enjoy it, too.
Perry moaned softly, not breaking the kiss, grinding up in return. For a few long moments they stayed that way, hips pressed tightly together, rubbing sensuously. But after a while Perry broke the kiss, panting. "Take me," he whispered, and his voice was a rough, pleading whimper. "Please."
JD heard the words, but instead of making his heart leap, as he'd expected they would, he frowned. Perry sounded needful all right. In fact, he sounded downright desperate, but not in a good way. "Why now?" he found himself asking, kissing Perry again lightly before pulling back again to drop sucking bites along his neck.
"I..." Perry trailed off, squeezing his eyes closed, grinding his teeth against the sob that was squeezing at his throat. God. Get it together, Perry... "I just..." He shook his head, unable to explain. How was he supposed to tell JD he wanted the younger man to take him because he was hoping it would hurt? Hoping that the pain might be enough to erase the images of his dream, or silence the voices in his head that tormented him with other scenarios like it?
"Yeah, I thought so." JD kissed him again, but much more tenderly, the urgency gone from it. "Not like this, Perry. I will, God, believe me, I want to, but not like this. Not when you're about to cry..."
JD kissed Perry again, hands moving over the older man's arms, rubbing and massaging gently, trying to relax him. It was an uphill battle, and Perry fought against letting go of himself every step of the way. But JD was nothing if not persistent. "Talk to me," he murmured, finally, pulling away again. "Please?"
Perry stared up at him, wide-eyed. God--JD had just turned down...and for what? To talk?
Rather than want to mock him for it, however, Perry was simply genuinely amazed. He found himself speaking before he had the power to stop himself: "I'm... scared."
JD relaxed a little, when Perry finally answered, though the astonishment on his face right before had been amusing and a bit wounding. Then again, a big part of JD couldn't believe he hadn't jumped at the offer, either. And was kicking him for it. He ignored that voice, though, and nodded, kissing Perry again softly. "I figured. What of?"
"Of..." Perry trailed off, frowning. Of what?
I'm afraid of what you'll do, for my sake. I'm afraid of what might happen to you, if you come rushing in again like you did today, trying to play the hero.
That was it--or at least a large part of it--but it was deeper than that. It was more like he'd foiled the universe's plans by ending up with JD, and that somehow, someday, someone would take note of it and drag them apart again.
"I just..." he shook his head slowly. "This... this is so wonderful, but I'm... I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop, I guess." He shrugged, looking down, feeling embarrassed for making such a big deal out of it.
JD just kept from giggling. "The world going into complete upheaval seems like a pretty big shoe to me," he observed, kissing Perry softly. "The wings, the riots, the being forced into the hills...I love you, Perry, and finding you love me is one of the best things that's ever happened, but I don't think we're going to have to pay for this anymore than we already have. If you think we need to pay for it at all...I'm not sure the world works that way."
He kissed Perry again, for a long time, before pulling back and smiling softly. "You know you're stuck with me, right? I spent too long chasing you to let you get away now."
Perry smiled, though it was sad. "It's not you I'm worried about," he said softly.
"I'm not letting anything else take you away from me, either," JD said firmly, feeling he'd finally gotten to the heart of the matter. "I swear. Not if there's a thing I can do to stop it."
Perry drew a sharp breath. "That's what I'm afraid of," he murmured, but shook his head. "I'm sorry. Just... nightmare has me a little on edge, I think."
"I'm not surprised," JD replied, pressing close, shuddering a little. "I hate nightmares..."
Perry glanced down at him, frowning at his tone. "You been having nightmares, Newbie?" he murmured.
JD shrugged a little. "I usually sleep really well, really deeply...lately I haven't been. I've been dreaming a lot."
"Yeah? About what?"
JD raised an eyebrow. "What was yours about?"
Perry sighed. "You," he admitted softly.
"Yeah, well...fair's fair. Most of mine are about you." JD eased off of Perry, going to open the curtains, suddenly not wanting to have this conversation in the dark. It was snowing again, he saw, as he opened the blinds; the late afternoon light was dimmed by the storm clouds, but it was at least a little lighter than it had been. Fucking weird weather. "Do you know how many times I've had to be scared for you, since this thing started? And I keep dreaming...that you're lost somewhere, hurt, or maybe dying, and that...that it's my fault. And I try to find you but I can't, because it's like I can't move, and then when I do find you it's too late." He shook his head, looking down at his feet, trying not to let the images that had been haunting his dreams the past few weeks overtake him now.
Perry bit his lip, studying JD for a second; then, deciding JD deserved at least a little honesty from him, he began to speak. "In mine, you were flying," he murmured. "And you kept asking me to join you, but I couldn't, because I didn't have wings, and as soon as I told you that, your wings fell apart, and you...you fell." He stopped there, shuddering, and realized he couldn't speak of the rest of his dream; some distant, illogical part of his brain warned him against planting the idea in JD's head.
Besides, that was ridiculous. His wings would come in soon enough, and they would...he shuddered again. Match. That was how JD had put it, wasn't it?
JD looked back at him, wings slumped. "Our subconscious minds suck," he said gravely, before climbing back on the bed and curling close against Perry, almost hoping the unicorn would show up again.
"Tell me 'bout it," Perry murmured.
JD sighed, and was silent for a long moment. "They'll go away," he whispered at last. "When things calm down...when we don't have to be afraid anymore, our brains will stop torturing us. I mean, I almost never dream about showing up naked for a test I haven't studied for now..." he trailed off, then suddenly, he giggled.
Perry frowned at him, eyebrow lifted. "What could possibly be funny?"
JD blushed, but couldn't seem to stop smiling. "Oh...I dreamed once that I showed up naked at work, and hadn't done something you'd told me to--paperwork, or something minor like that. I was able to persuade you to forgive me. Thanks to my nakedness, and the fact that Kelso's office was empty..."
Perry raised his eyebrows, a delighted grin creeping across his face; his body, which had calmed considerably as they'd shared nightmares, began to stir once more. "Kelso's office? You did not."
JD nodded, biting his lip around his grin. "I did," he confirmed. "Actually...you did."
"Mmm. That so?" Perry teased, dragging JD on top of him again. "Care to show me how that went?"
JD hummed contentedly as he settled atop the other man, and rolled his hips down, rubbing against Perry again. "Well, Doctor," he panted. "I believe it was something like this..." And while the dream had involved a blow-job and a spanking, JD went directly for Perry's mouth, kissing him again deeply as his hips pressed down, guiding them into a delicious grind.
Perry moaned, the feel of JD's erection pressed tightly against his own sending shivers down his spine. "No complaints so far," he panted. "Continue."
JD did.
Afterwards, sweaty and sated and drifting back to sleep, JD leaned up to kiss Perry softly. “We’re going to be okay, you know,” he said, voice low. “We really are.”
Perry drew a deep breath and nodded, giving JD what he sincerely hoped was a reassuring smile. JD bought it, thankfully, smiling back before settling in against Perry’s shoulder again, arms wrapped around him securely. He drifted off quickly, slipping back into a light sleep.
But for Perry, sleep was slow in coming.
We’re going to be okay, JD had said.
Whether it was a lingering effect of the nightmare or something else entirely, however, Perry couldn’t shake the feeling that the worst was yet to come.
* * *
Next Chapter
* * *
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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Date: 4 Feb 2007 06:35 (UTC)I'm going to start out by saying I drank a lot of Mountain Dew to stay awake for this update :[ Embarassing. But it was so worth it! Wow. This was intense. I cried so freaking hard at Perry's dream. And I could envision it perfectly and oh it creeped me out so badly. You guys write in such good detail that I can envision all of this so perfectly.
I'm just worried about what's to come. :[ AHH.
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Date: 5 Feb 2007 15:24 (UTC)Still glad you like it, though! :D
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Date: 4 Feb 2007 06:39 (UTC)Very beautiful chapter, especially the nightmare which was also disturbing as it was pretty. ^^; Does that make sense?
*incoherent noises*
What I'm trying to say here is that I love it and it just keeps getting better. ^_^
You guys RAWK. \m/
P.S.: In Re: the editing thingy-deal that's going on. It's cool. It just means that you're kicking some more fic ass, making it impossibly more awesome. :D *excited squee*
I love you guys!
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Date: 4 Feb 2007 06:41 (UTC)Lordie, this is fabulous!
There was one grammar that I think I found: up near the top, shouldn't "they pressed in close, warm bodies shielding he and Perry" be him and Perry? I fink.
Anyway, you have me all scared of prophetic dreams and foreshadowing now! GAH!
O.O
Dowanna go to sleeeeeep... in my head, the sound of JD's wings coming off was far too realistic. Overactive imaginations can be scary, especially when they're a little too good at auditory simulations (as it were).
I adore you both, and would sooooooo give you cookies if I could. As it is: ::cybercookies!::
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Date: 5 Feb 2007 15:21 (UTC)Glad you're enjoying it! Caught the grammar thing, you're right. That's what happens when we edit so much--we end up with odd grammar mistakes, lol. Thanks for pointing it out to us!
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Date: 4 Feb 2007 06:47 (UTC)I adore your Dr. cox and JD
they are both so adorable and i simply can't get enough of them ^^
(i hope JD and Cox will get though this and be all happy and fluffy >.<
I am a sucker for happy endings :D
i can't wait for the next update.
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Date: 4 Feb 2007 06:52 (UTC)thats like, impending doom
DOOM
i dont like doom
not one bit
well, not in this story anyways
well worth the wait i must say.
ive been having THE worst week ever and this made me happ.
thanks
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Date: 5 Feb 2007 15:19 (UTC)Glad you enjoyed it and glad it was worth the wait! :)
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Date: 4 Feb 2007 06:57 (UTC)That dream of his was way creepy. It was the "horrible wet sucking noise" part that really got me. I could hear it so clearly.
Okay, now I'm really tired and shall go to bed with happy images of Perry and JD in my head.
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Date: 4 Feb 2007 07:06 (UTC)Oh GODS it really getting...well not just good, this story has always been pure awesomness...but the shit must really be about to hit the fan! OMG, this is too suspenseful! What's gonna happen!?!?! They're al together now, settling in nicely, what crazy shit wil happen now?!?! And when will Perry finish Changing already? is there someting wrong? Gah! And the nightamres..not good! X.x
I'm glad you're taking the time to edit it, b/c I bet whatever you come up will be many times as awesome as anything we could think of!
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Date: 5 Feb 2007 15:18 (UTC)Yes, I am evil. XD
And yeah...stuff's gonna happen. :) And we want to make sure it lives up to all you readers' expectations, which is the only reason we're delaying it. Hopefully we'll get the next chapter ready by Wednesday, but if not, look for it on Sunday! :) Much love, thanks so much for commenting, and glad you still like it!! :D
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Date: 4 Feb 2007 10:25 (UTC)first off, you scared me with the warning, I read in such a sense of dread, that the nightmare, when it came, was actually a relief
- until I realised how it has affected Perry.
and now he's gonna do something noble and dangerous and silly isn't he. And there will be sad and fear and.
God I *LOVE* this story!
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This fic just keeps getting better and better and more intense and my god its like a drug. I think i might actually start hysterically crying if i dont get my next fic in a week. Totally dont mind waiting however because that just means its going to be supa dupa awesome, not that it isnt already supa dupa awesome. ARGH you get wat i mean and if you dont just accept that this fic has made me more than a little loony:P
Cant wait for the next chapter!
So freakin awesome!!
no subject
Date: 5 Feb 2007 15:16 (UTC)We'll do all we can to get chapter 22 out by Wednesday. It doesn't need as much altering as some of the later chapters will, but neither of us will really have a chance to work on it much until tomorrow, so we'll be taking it up to the wire, if we do manage to get it ready in time. Still, glad you're willing to wait! :) Double-glad you like the fic!! :D
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Date: 4 Feb 2007 11:39 (UTC)Why do you do this to me? ::pout:: And just when you're taking a break from already not-frequent-enough posting (although I really can't blame you here; you post more frequently than I do). A girl can only take so much, you know.
Fantastic job, as usual. Loved the imagery of the dream.
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Date: 4 Feb 2007 13:12 (UTC)All the hints that Perry's change is different have me very nervous. I think Perry's fears are rubbing off on me.
I love seeing the world that is forming around them. I can see why that would take some extra time to work out. As much as I love each chapter, I'm fine with waiting because I know it will be worth it.
JD looked back at him, wings slumped. "Our subconscious minds suck," he said gravely, before climbing back on the bed and curling close against Perry, almost hoping the unicorn would show up again.
Loved this! And the bonding over JD's family was wonderful.
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Date: 5 Feb 2007 15:14 (UTC)We'll try to get our next chapter up on Wednesday, but if we can't, see you Sunday! :) Thanks for understanding! :D
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Date: 4 Feb 2007 15:20 (UTC)no subject
Date: 4 Feb 2007 20:45 (UTC)I hardly find stories this good. Long ones are specially hard to find. Don't stop keeping me on pins and needles. It's all just beautiful, just beautiful.
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Date: 5 Feb 2007 15:13 (UTC)no subject
Date: 4 Feb 2007 20:48 (UTC)The part of Perry's dream where JD cuts off his wings, I got such a clear mental picture of it... you should do art for that. It'd be really cool, and a little sad.
Well, as usual, great work. Post soon!
Sensibly,
ScathingSarcasm
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Date: 5 Feb 2007 00:03 (UTC)I loved the whole dream sequence. It got my stomach all twisted up and nervous. Love, love, love!
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Date: 5 Feb 2007 15:12 (UTC)yay
Date: 5 Feb 2007 00:22 (UTC)lol
Loved it...well worth the wait!! ^_~
Yous guys rawk!
can't wait to have Parry flyin around with JD...it'll be awesome!
*fancookies galore* *LOVES* <3
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Date: 5 Feb 2007 00:34 (UTC)So, the next chapter won't be posted until a week from now?
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Date: 5 Feb 2007 05:31 (UTC)Glad you liked it, morbid dream aside! It was truely horrific to write it. *shudders*
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Date: 5 Feb 2007 20:40 (UTC)no subject
Date: 6 Feb 2007 21:05 (UTC)no subject
Date: 6 Feb 2007 21:51 (UTC)Can you help a Sister out?
Date: 7 Feb 2007 09:17 (UTC)There's like... a Help Group or something for this, right? You know, "Hi, my name is Brindel and I'm addicted to the Changling Universe..." like that?
Twelve Steps? Come on! Something?
It happened so fast! I blame Amnesia. It was my 'gateway fic'.
I saw Changling first. Read the blurb, sniffed, "Wildly AU story with fantastical elements?", Sooooo *not* my thing.", flipped my hair with distain and primly prissed off to other things.
But a little later I read Amnesia and thought, "Well damn, that was great!" So I moved on to Drowning. After that, I eyed Changling a bit more speculatively and thought, "Aw, what the heck, one little chapter can't hurt, can it?"
OMG! I'm an Addict now! Sucked *TWENTY* chapters down in a single massive hit, twiched spastically til Twenty-one came out and Dude! Now I'm jonsing hard for my next fix!!
How can you do this to an innocent lover of Angsty slashfic!
(Don't stop! I love you guys and I LOVE this fic! Serves me right for snubbing it at first. *G*)
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Date: 7 Feb 2007 14:41 (UTC)I loved Cox's bitter voice, it just really fleshed him out? into a 3d character? Like how always there's that undercurrent in the show? Even though its comedic it has that subtext of pathos? If that makes sense?
This amazing story
Date: 11 Feb 2007 02:36 (UTC)no subject
Date: 23 Feb 2007 15:26 (UTC)Thank you for not solving all their problems with sex. That never works in reality. ^_~
Good story!
~m
no subject
Date: 3 Apr 2007 03:36 (UTC)no subject
Date: 2 Jun 2007 01:41 (UTC)However, Perry saying, "I love you too" instead of You shouldn't to JD's declaration of love was very IC, especially forcing a smile for it. Also IC was JD turning down an offer for sex to talk. Because he is so the girl. Who occasionally tops and it is hot.
And also, you summing up the sex with "JD did." was awesome. Two little words, the curtain closes, and we can just imagine it in our HDTV minds.
In regards to the dream - creepy and I loved every second of it. Chilling, really. JD's "We match" part was the best, because it was him being so blind for love that he pretty much killed himself for it. Also, his feathers disintegrating reminded me of Icarus. It just did.