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randomweavingTitle: Imaginary Friend
Characters: JD/Cox
Rating: R for language and some violence
Description: About a month into his internship, JD starts having some unusual dreams.
JD knew something was wrong as soon as the vision started.
First of all, he materialized in the bathroom--something that had never happened before. He wasn't sure exactly what forces were controlling these things, but he'd thus far never happened upon Perry at an awkward moment, and he couldn't imagine any reason Perry would be in the bathroom that wouldn't qualify as awkward.
When he turned around, however, three things came to his attention quite swiftly: one, Perry had aged a lot since he'd last seen him. He was taller, broader, and he bore a much stronger (and rather startling) resemblance to Dr. Cox. JD would probably place him at around fifteen or possibly sixteen, if he'd stopped to think about it. But the second thing prevented him from worrying for too long about the teen's exact age: Perry was sitting hunched over on the toilet seat, face scrunched up, eyes squeezed shut and tears leaking slowly down his face--which, JD noted with dismay, sported a large, purpling bruise around the left eye. Two guesses where it came from.
Why he was crying, however, was at once explained and supplanted by the third and most pressing thing JD noticed: clutched loosely in the trembling fingers of one of Perry's hands, poised over the delicate skin of his wrist, was a long, narrow razor blade. Perry was holding it frozen, tears squeezing out between his clenched lids, and it was obvious to JD he'd probably been sitting like that for awhile, trying to persuade himself--though which way he was trying to persuade himself JD wasn't sure, nor was he sure which side was winning.
Deciding not to give the despairing half a chance to succeed, JD reached out, clasping Perry's wrist, placing his hand between the blade and the boy's skin. He wasn't sure what an injury would do to him, here, but he knew he had to stop this. Dr. Cox didn't have scars on his wrists--not that JD had noticed on purpose, but he did spend a lot of time close to the older doctor's hands, watching him perform various procedures--so whatever he'd done here, in the doctor's past, he had to have done right.
But still, part of him couldn't be sure he wasn't talented enough to screw it up anyway. And bitter and jaded or not, the world needed Perry Cox.
Perry started badly as JD's fingers grasped his wrist, the razor falling from his hand and clattering across the tile to land under the sink. He slid backwards, staring up at JD, wide-eyed and more than a little frightened. "Y-you...you...?"
"Guess it's been awhile, huh?" JD asked, fighting the panicked instincts inside him and forcing himself to sound calm and collected as he squatted down beside the frightened teenager.
Perry jerked his wrist away, flinging himself from the toilet and pressing himself back against the wall, sinking down into a ball in the corner of the bathroom. "Don't touch me," he snapped angrily, tears still flying down his shocked face. "Don't you fucking touch me!"
JD obeyed, sinking back on his heels, though not before checking where Perry was relative to the razor. "All right," he murmured. "I won't touch you." He was silent for a moment, the only sound in the bathroom Perry's ragged breathing amplified by the linoleum and the cheap plastic shower curtains. Then, softly, he said, "I'd ask how you've been, but I don't think I really need to, huh?"
Perry laughed, a harsh, barking sound. "Fucking brilliant," he choked. "No wonder you're a doctor."
JD almost smiled. Well, at least now he sounded like the Perry Cox JD knew...his voice had changed, and was eerily familiar now, as well. "Diagnosing is my strong suit, yeah." He knew Perry was trying to get a rise out of him, but he had plenty of practice in waiting it out. More than Perry himself did, at this point. And JD didn't want to fight, though if Perry worked out some of his anger through yelling at him...JD wasn't about to argue.
Perry just shook his head, burying his face in his arms, body trembling violently. "Go away," he moaned. "Go away!"
JD resisted the urge to go to him, knowing it would only make it worse. "Sorry. I can't. You know that. Can't control when I'm here and when I'm not. Besides...I wouldn't leave right now, even if I could. Not when I think you'd just try again."
"What the fuck do you care?" Perry spat, lifting his head to glare daggers at JD. "What fucking difference would it make, anyway? It would just give you one less pathetic screw-up to magically pop in on and abandon whenever you want." His lip curled in a sneer. "And I know, I know--you can't control when you're here. Like hell you can't. You always vanish when things get rough, and I'm so fucking sick of it!" He slumped, looking away, fresh tears welling from his eyes. "I hate you," he whispered.
JD sighed, leaning his head back against the wall, surprised at how much the teenager's words hurt him. "Sometimes I hate me, too," he murmured softly. He closed his eyes for a long moment, then shook his head slowly. "You're not a pathetic screw-up, Perry," he said. "And I never...I hate that I did abandon you. I can't say I didn't, because I know...it's what happened. But I swear, I can't control when I show up. I...God, you know it's only been a few months since I met you? For me? I don't show up for a day, and it's three fucking years for you...Whoever's controlling this thing sucks ass."
Perry lowered his arms, letting them hang to the floor, staring at his wrists. He sighed, and his face went blank; JD could almost see the wall going back up. "Yeah, fine," he murmured, voice oddly listless.
"So why a razor?" JD asked, after a short silence. "Why not pills, or a gun?"
Perry shuddered. "Dunno," he whispered.
"I was going to use pills," JD offered softly.
At that, Perry finally looked up at him, and though he kept his expression carefully blank, he couldn't hide the interest in his eyes. "Yeah?" he asked softly.
JD nodded. "Yeah. My mom used to have trouble sleeping, so she had these really strong sleeping pills, in the cabinet we weren't supposed to touch. I figured out how many it'd take, and stole them. Kept them in an Altoids tin in my backpack. Was nice knowing it was there, and I could just...escape, if I needed to, if things ever got too rough." He shrugged a little, trying to think how to explain it all.
"I was a nerd, Perry. A dork. And my older brother--who delighted in tormenting me--was the most popular kid in school. High school was hell. And no, my dad didn't knock me around, but plenty of the jocks did. I spent most of those four years bruised and miserable. And..." He hesitated, wondering if he should admit the whole truth to Perry--tell him what had really made him put the pills in that tin. But he quickly decided against it. He couldn't tell the kid something like that. "And I just got tired of it all. I had a definite plan, that one day I'd just come home, take the pills, and Dan'd find me after he got home from hanging out with his friends." His lips twisted wryly at the memory, and he shook his head slowly. "I never even thought they'd care, except to be even more disappointed in me."
"Why... why didn't you do it?" Perry whispered, and his face was captivated now, looking desperate for an answer.
JD actually smiled. "I had this teacher," he said. "Mr. Peters. He noticed I was...out of it, I guess. Started asking me to stay after class, kept talking to me. Had me TA for him. Found out what I was interested in, got me thinking about an actual future, not just where I was." JD's smile turned a little wry. "I told him what I was planning, finally. I had to tell someone. And he cared. Helped me see I had two years left, and then I'd be away from everything that was making my life hell. He's the reason I became a doctor. Didn't think I could do it, until him." He looked up at Perry, wondering how all this sounded. It wasn't something he usually talked about.
Perry swallowed, turning away, resting his head against the wall behind him. His arms came up, wrapping themselves protectively around his middle, and he swallowed. Tears welled in his eyes again, but they were of sorrow, this time, not anger. "You're lucky you had someone who c-cared," he whispered, then bit his lip sharply.
"I care about you," JD said softly, his own eyes filling, throat going tight. "It'd kill me, you know, if I came back here and had to go to your funeral. I know I haven't been around much, but...it doesn't mean I don't still love you. I do." He slid forward just a little, leaning toward Perry. "I'm your friend," he said, voice quiet but emphatic. "Nothing's gonna change that."
Perry began to sob quietly, shaking his head slowly. "It hurts," he choked, teeth clenched together tightly. "I just want it to stop. I want..." he trailed off. "I don't want to be alone anymore."
"It's the suckiest feeling in the world," JD agreed, wondering if Perry would let JD touch him yet. Because right now, his arms were almost aching to gather the broken young man close, promise him everything would be all right... "And I know, it feels like it'll be forever...but it won't. I promise..." Even as he spoke, he wondered if he was right. The Perry Cox he knew seemed to pride himself on being alone. I should've stayed, that night I took him the beer. I really should've...
Perry drew a deep breath, then released it slowly, finally turning to look JD in the eye again. "I won't kill myself," he said quietly, voice dull. "I don't think I actually would have, anyway, but...well. You can go, if you want to."
"I don't," JD replied, just as softly. "I missed too much time with you...I don't want to miss more."
Perry swallowed, shaking his head slowly. "Every time you come here, I tell myself I won't get my hopes up that you'll really stay," he murmured. "But every time, I do it anyway. I don't hate you," he offered, voice small and trembling with shame. "I want to, sometimes, but... I don't."
"I wish I could stay," JD said, reaching out, then withdrawing his hand after a moment. "I really do. I...I didn't want to get you in trouble, before, but I missed you. Even though it was only a day for me. Fuck..." JD sat back again, running a hand through his hair, wondering what on earth he could say. "I am so sorry, Perry. So much sorrier than I can ever tell you, that I have to go, that I can't...can't take you with me. That I can't fix everything for you."
"I know. I'm just...I'm so tired," Perry whispered. "I... I think I want to sleep."
JD frowned slightly. "Yeah, that's another good way to escape for a while," he said, feeling a small niggle of worry. How often, he wondered, did Perry sleep? How many times was it the only respite he had from the hell that was his life?
"Better than the alternative, isn't it?" Perry mumbled.
"Yeah," JD agreed, smiling wryly. "All right, come on," he said decisively, pushing himself up and offering Perry his hand. He raised an eyebrow when the teenager just looked at it. "I assume you meant sleeping in your bed, not on the bathroom floor?"
Perry sighed, but reluctantly reached up and let JD take his hand. When he pulled him to his feet, he was startled to see Perry was nearly as tall as he was, standing only a few inches shorter. "You've grown," he commented lightly.
Perry's lips twisted wryly. "Another brilliant observation, doctor," he retorted, turning away and pulling the bathroom door open. He shouldered past a put-upon looking blond girl--Paige?--who scowled at him and told him not to hog the bathroom before storming in and slamming the door. JD jumped, but Perry seemed to take the comment in stride, and JD wondered how on earth she hadn't realized her brother's cheeks were streaked with tears, his face drawn and careworn, his shoulders slumped.
God, no wonder he's so lonely...
Perry walked into the old bedroom, pausing only to kick off his tattered sneakers before climbing up onto the mattress. He curled around his pillow, looking weary and hurt. "I just...I wish this was over," he whispered, opening his eyes and lifting them to meet JD's.
JD climbed onto the bed beside him, propping his head up on one elbow. "I don't blame you. How long until you can leave for college? Two years?" He wanted badly to give Perry a hug, but he still wasn't sure how it'd be taken.
Perry nodded. "I've already started working on the admissions essays," he confessed, looking sheepish. "Applying to schools in California, mostly. Furthest away from here I can get without going to Alaska."
JD smiled. "I don't blame you. And California is great. No snow, the ocean's right there, if you're on the coast...It's a lot more relaxed, too. I've never regretted going out there." He scooted just a little closer, under the guise of shifting his weight. The bed was small--and lumpy--enough, that it looked natural. He hoped.
"Yeah?" Perry actually smiled a little. "Maybe... maybe I'll see you out there sometime." JD had told him, before, a little about his past, and while neither of them understood how it was they had these times together, Perry had come to accept that JD was real, and living his own life, somewhere. His voice was joking, but there was a part of him that definitely looked hopeful. Surreptitiously, he slid a little closer, eyes flickering to JD's chest and arms for a fraction of a second before moving back to JD's face.
JD held his arms out, smiling slightly. "Come here. And I think...yeah. We might meet up sometime." He wanted to tell Perry they'd know each other very well, but he'd decided early on that he shouldn't tell the boy anything he knew from his future. Besides, Dr. Cox obviously either didn't remember him, or wanted to pretend none of it had ever happened, so what would be the use?
Perry closed the distance between them, lowering his forehead to rest against JD's chest and sighing when JD wrapped his arms snug around him. "Hope so," he murmured, already drifting. His arms snaked around JD's waist, and he squirmed a little, snuggling closer.
"Me too," JD murmured softly. "Me too." He stayed awake until after Perry fell asleep, wiping away the remains of the boy's tears, stroking his hair softly. And prayed that he'd be able to be around a lot, for the next few years. Perry needed him so much...
* * *
To JD's own relief, he did flash back almost immediately after. He woke that morning to find himself wrapped around his pillow and comforter, sighing in disappointment when he realized he was back. But his worry that he'd go back to find Perry in even more trouble was almost immediately assuaged, as he hadn't even made it into the shower before he was back, sitting on Perry's bed, watching the boy sleep.
And when he'd woken, JD discovered that almost no time had passed in Perry's world, either, as it was the same nap during which he'd left.
Perry smiled shyly up at him. "I'm glad you're back," he murmured, flushing a little but holding JD's gaze. "I've... I really missed you."
JD cringed guiltily. "I'm glad I'm back too," he replied softly. And I hope this time I can stay... He paused, glancing down at the threadbare comforter on Perry's bed, then frowned. "Whatever happened with the counselor?"
Perry grimaced. "She called my parents," he admitted. "Said my having an imaginary friend was most likely a result of disappointments in real life relationships, and asked if there was anything they'd noticed that might be contributing to my need for this delusion."
JD hissed. "I'm betting that didn't go over well," he said quietly, and Perry snorted.
"Not exactly," he murmured. "Dad said since I wasn't happy now he'd show me how much worse things could be, and I couldn't walk for about a week. But in fairness, I did stop talking to you." He twisted his lips, shrugging wryly. "Guess it might not've been an entirely bad thing that you weren't here. Eventually the fuss died down, and everyone forgot."
"We'll have to be more careful this time," JD said, resisting the urge to reach out and stroke the curls back from the young man's forehead.
"It'll be easier now," Perry assured him. "I'm old enough that I can be out as long as I like--there are plenty of places we can go where on one will notice me talking to you, or care if they did."
"How old are you?" JD asked, his curiosity awoken again, now that the immediate danger from before had been defused.
"I turn seventeen in two months," Perry answered.
JD shook his head slowly, trying to hide his surprise and glad he hadn't guessed. Perry was lanky enough to be fifteen. "I was gone for a long time," he murmured, mostly to himself, but when Perry snickered at him he couldn't help reaching out and swatting his shoulder lightly. "I know, I know--brilliant observation. But you have to realize it's strange for me, to be gone for a day or an hour and come back to find I've missed almost four years."
"You didn't miss anything worth discussing," Perry said, sobering again and looking away. "Would've been easier, in a lot of ways, if you'd been here, but... it would've been harder too. And you're back now," he added, eyes flickering back up to JD, full of hesitant hope; one hand uncurled from where it had been clutching his bed sheets and crept forward to slip shyly into JD's.
JD nodded. "And I will be, as long and as often as I can manage it," he replied, squeezing Perry's fingers gently. "I promise."
* * *
Next Chapter
Characters: JD/Cox
Rating: R for language and some violence
Description: About a month into his internship, JD starts having some unusual dreams.
JD knew something was wrong as soon as the vision started.
First of all, he materialized in the bathroom--something that had never happened before. He wasn't sure exactly what forces were controlling these things, but he'd thus far never happened upon Perry at an awkward moment, and he couldn't imagine any reason Perry would be in the bathroom that wouldn't qualify as awkward.
When he turned around, however, three things came to his attention quite swiftly: one, Perry had aged a lot since he'd last seen him. He was taller, broader, and he bore a much stronger (and rather startling) resemblance to Dr. Cox. JD would probably place him at around fifteen or possibly sixteen, if he'd stopped to think about it. But the second thing prevented him from worrying for too long about the teen's exact age: Perry was sitting hunched over on the toilet seat, face scrunched up, eyes squeezed shut and tears leaking slowly down his face--which, JD noted with dismay, sported a large, purpling bruise around the left eye. Two guesses where it came from.
Why he was crying, however, was at once explained and supplanted by the third and most pressing thing JD noticed: clutched loosely in the trembling fingers of one of Perry's hands, poised over the delicate skin of his wrist, was a long, narrow razor blade. Perry was holding it frozen, tears squeezing out between his clenched lids, and it was obvious to JD he'd probably been sitting like that for awhile, trying to persuade himself--though which way he was trying to persuade himself JD wasn't sure, nor was he sure which side was winning.
Deciding not to give the despairing half a chance to succeed, JD reached out, clasping Perry's wrist, placing his hand between the blade and the boy's skin. He wasn't sure what an injury would do to him, here, but he knew he had to stop this. Dr. Cox didn't have scars on his wrists--not that JD had noticed on purpose, but he did spend a lot of time close to the older doctor's hands, watching him perform various procedures--so whatever he'd done here, in the doctor's past, he had to have done right.
But still, part of him couldn't be sure he wasn't talented enough to screw it up anyway. And bitter and jaded or not, the world needed Perry Cox.
Perry started badly as JD's fingers grasped his wrist, the razor falling from his hand and clattering across the tile to land under the sink. He slid backwards, staring up at JD, wide-eyed and more than a little frightened. "Y-you...you...?"
"Guess it's been awhile, huh?" JD asked, fighting the panicked instincts inside him and forcing himself to sound calm and collected as he squatted down beside the frightened teenager.
Perry jerked his wrist away, flinging himself from the toilet and pressing himself back against the wall, sinking down into a ball in the corner of the bathroom. "Don't touch me," he snapped angrily, tears still flying down his shocked face. "Don't you fucking touch me!"
JD obeyed, sinking back on his heels, though not before checking where Perry was relative to the razor. "All right," he murmured. "I won't touch you." He was silent for a moment, the only sound in the bathroom Perry's ragged breathing amplified by the linoleum and the cheap plastic shower curtains. Then, softly, he said, "I'd ask how you've been, but I don't think I really need to, huh?"
Perry laughed, a harsh, barking sound. "Fucking brilliant," he choked. "No wonder you're a doctor."
JD almost smiled. Well, at least now he sounded like the Perry Cox JD knew...his voice had changed, and was eerily familiar now, as well. "Diagnosing is my strong suit, yeah." He knew Perry was trying to get a rise out of him, but he had plenty of practice in waiting it out. More than Perry himself did, at this point. And JD didn't want to fight, though if Perry worked out some of his anger through yelling at him...JD wasn't about to argue.
Perry just shook his head, burying his face in his arms, body trembling violently. "Go away," he moaned. "Go away!"
JD resisted the urge to go to him, knowing it would only make it worse. "Sorry. I can't. You know that. Can't control when I'm here and when I'm not. Besides...I wouldn't leave right now, even if I could. Not when I think you'd just try again."
"What the fuck do you care?" Perry spat, lifting his head to glare daggers at JD. "What fucking difference would it make, anyway? It would just give you one less pathetic screw-up to magically pop in on and abandon whenever you want." His lip curled in a sneer. "And I know, I know--you can't control when you're here. Like hell you can't. You always vanish when things get rough, and I'm so fucking sick of it!" He slumped, looking away, fresh tears welling from his eyes. "I hate you," he whispered.
JD sighed, leaning his head back against the wall, surprised at how much the teenager's words hurt him. "Sometimes I hate me, too," he murmured softly. He closed his eyes for a long moment, then shook his head slowly. "You're not a pathetic screw-up, Perry," he said. "And I never...I hate that I did abandon you. I can't say I didn't, because I know...it's what happened. But I swear, I can't control when I show up. I...God, you know it's only been a few months since I met you? For me? I don't show up for a day, and it's three fucking years for you...Whoever's controlling this thing sucks ass."
Perry lowered his arms, letting them hang to the floor, staring at his wrists. He sighed, and his face went blank; JD could almost see the wall going back up. "Yeah, fine," he murmured, voice oddly listless.
"So why a razor?" JD asked, after a short silence. "Why not pills, or a gun?"
Perry shuddered. "Dunno," he whispered.
"I was going to use pills," JD offered softly.
At that, Perry finally looked up at him, and though he kept his expression carefully blank, he couldn't hide the interest in his eyes. "Yeah?" he asked softly.
JD nodded. "Yeah. My mom used to have trouble sleeping, so she had these really strong sleeping pills, in the cabinet we weren't supposed to touch. I figured out how many it'd take, and stole them. Kept them in an Altoids tin in my backpack. Was nice knowing it was there, and I could just...escape, if I needed to, if things ever got too rough." He shrugged a little, trying to think how to explain it all.
"I was a nerd, Perry. A dork. And my older brother--who delighted in tormenting me--was the most popular kid in school. High school was hell. And no, my dad didn't knock me around, but plenty of the jocks did. I spent most of those four years bruised and miserable. And..." He hesitated, wondering if he should admit the whole truth to Perry--tell him what had really made him put the pills in that tin. But he quickly decided against it. He couldn't tell the kid something like that. "And I just got tired of it all. I had a definite plan, that one day I'd just come home, take the pills, and Dan'd find me after he got home from hanging out with his friends." His lips twisted wryly at the memory, and he shook his head slowly. "I never even thought they'd care, except to be even more disappointed in me."
"Why... why didn't you do it?" Perry whispered, and his face was captivated now, looking desperate for an answer.
JD actually smiled. "I had this teacher," he said. "Mr. Peters. He noticed I was...out of it, I guess. Started asking me to stay after class, kept talking to me. Had me TA for him. Found out what I was interested in, got me thinking about an actual future, not just where I was." JD's smile turned a little wry. "I told him what I was planning, finally. I had to tell someone. And he cared. Helped me see I had two years left, and then I'd be away from everything that was making my life hell. He's the reason I became a doctor. Didn't think I could do it, until him." He looked up at Perry, wondering how all this sounded. It wasn't something he usually talked about.
Perry swallowed, turning away, resting his head against the wall behind him. His arms came up, wrapping themselves protectively around his middle, and he swallowed. Tears welled in his eyes again, but they were of sorrow, this time, not anger. "You're lucky you had someone who c-cared," he whispered, then bit his lip sharply.
"I care about you," JD said softly, his own eyes filling, throat going tight. "It'd kill me, you know, if I came back here and had to go to your funeral. I know I haven't been around much, but...it doesn't mean I don't still love you. I do." He slid forward just a little, leaning toward Perry. "I'm your friend," he said, voice quiet but emphatic. "Nothing's gonna change that."
Perry began to sob quietly, shaking his head slowly. "It hurts," he choked, teeth clenched together tightly. "I just want it to stop. I want..." he trailed off. "I don't want to be alone anymore."
"It's the suckiest feeling in the world," JD agreed, wondering if Perry would let JD touch him yet. Because right now, his arms were almost aching to gather the broken young man close, promise him everything would be all right... "And I know, it feels like it'll be forever...but it won't. I promise..." Even as he spoke, he wondered if he was right. The Perry Cox he knew seemed to pride himself on being alone. I should've stayed, that night I took him the beer. I really should've...
Perry drew a deep breath, then released it slowly, finally turning to look JD in the eye again. "I won't kill myself," he said quietly, voice dull. "I don't think I actually would have, anyway, but...well. You can go, if you want to."
"I don't," JD replied, just as softly. "I missed too much time with you...I don't want to miss more."
Perry swallowed, shaking his head slowly. "Every time you come here, I tell myself I won't get my hopes up that you'll really stay," he murmured. "But every time, I do it anyway. I don't hate you," he offered, voice small and trembling with shame. "I want to, sometimes, but... I don't."
"I wish I could stay," JD said, reaching out, then withdrawing his hand after a moment. "I really do. I...I didn't want to get you in trouble, before, but I missed you. Even though it was only a day for me. Fuck..." JD sat back again, running a hand through his hair, wondering what on earth he could say. "I am so sorry, Perry. So much sorrier than I can ever tell you, that I have to go, that I can't...can't take you with me. That I can't fix everything for you."
"I know. I'm just...I'm so tired," Perry whispered. "I... I think I want to sleep."
JD frowned slightly. "Yeah, that's another good way to escape for a while," he said, feeling a small niggle of worry. How often, he wondered, did Perry sleep? How many times was it the only respite he had from the hell that was his life?
"Better than the alternative, isn't it?" Perry mumbled.
"Yeah," JD agreed, smiling wryly. "All right, come on," he said decisively, pushing himself up and offering Perry his hand. He raised an eyebrow when the teenager just looked at it. "I assume you meant sleeping in your bed, not on the bathroom floor?"
Perry sighed, but reluctantly reached up and let JD take his hand. When he pulled him to his feet, he was startled to see Perry was nearly as tall as he was, standing only a few inches shorter. "You've grown," he commented lightly.
Perry's lips twisted wryly. "Another brilliant observation, doctor," he retorted, turning away and pulling the bathroom door open. He shouldered past a put-upon looking blond girl--Paige?--who scowled at him and told him not to hog the bathroom before storming in and slamming the door. JD jumped, but Perry seemed to take the comment in stride, and JD wondered how on earth she hadn't realized her brother's cheeks were streaked with tears, his face drawn and careworn, his shoulders slumped.
God, no wonder he's so lonely...
Perry walked into the old bedroom, pausing only to kick off his tattered sneakers before climbing up onto the mattress. He curled around his pillow, looking weary and hurt. "I just...I wish this was over," he whispered, opening his eyes and lifting them to meet JD's.
JD climbed onto the bed beside him, propping his head up on one elbow. "I don't blame you. How long until you can leave for college? Two years?" He wanted badly to give Perry a hug, but he still wasn't sure how it'd be taken.
Perry nodded. "I've already started working on the admissions essays," he confessed, looking sheepish. "Applying to schools in California, mostly. Furthest away from here I can get without going to Alaska."
JD smiled. "I don't blame you. And California is great. No snow, the ocean's right there, if you're on the coast...It's a lot more relaxed, too. I've never regretted going out there." He scooted just a little closer, under the guise of shifting his weight. The bed was small--and lumpy--enough, that it looked natural. He hoped.
"Yeah?" Perry actually smiled a little. "Maybe... maybe I'll see you out there sometime." JD had told him, before, a little about his past, and while neither of them understood how it was they had these times together, Perry had come to accept that JD was real, and living his own life, somewhere. His voice was joking, but there was a part of him that definitely looked hopeful. Surreptitiously, he slid a little closer, eyes flickering to JD's chest and arms for a fraction of a second before moving back to JD's face.
JD held his arms out, smiling slightly. "Come here. And I think...yeah. We might meet up sometime." He wanted to tell Perry they'd know each other very well, but he'd decided early on that he shouldn't tell the boy anything he knew from his future. Besides, Dr. Cox obviously either didn't remember him, or wanted to pretend none of it had ever happened, so what would be the use?
Perry closed the distance between them, lowering his forehead to rest against JD's chest and sighing when JD wrapped his arms snug around him. "Hope so," he murmured, already drifting. His arms snaked around JD's waist, and he squirmed a little, snuggling closer.
"Me too," JD murmured softly. "Me too." He stayed awake until after Perry fell asleep, wiping away the remains of the boy's tears, stroking his hair softly. And prayed that he'd be able to be around a lot, for the next few years. Perry needed him so much...
* * *
To JD's own relief, he did flash back almost immediately after. He woke that morning to find himself wrapped around his pillow and comforter, sighing in disappointment when he realized he was back. But his worry that he'd go back to find Perry in even more trouble was almost immediately assuaged, as he hadn't even made it into the shower before he was back, sitting on Perry's bed, watching the boy sleep.
And when he'd woken, JD discovered that almost no time had passed in Perry's world, either, as it was the same nap during which he'd left.
Perry smiled shyly up at him. "I'm glad you're back," he murmured, flushing a little but holding JD's gaze. "I've... I really missed you."
JD cringed guiltily. "I'm glad I'm back too," he replied softly. And I hope this time I can stay... He paused, glancing down at the threadbare comforter on Perry's bed, then frowned. "Whatever happened with the counselor?"
Perry grimaced. "She called my parents," he admitted. "Said my having an imaginary friend was most likely a result of disappointments in real life relationships, and asked if there was anything they'd noticed that might be contributing to my need for this delusion."
JD hissed. "I'm betting that didn't go over well," he said quietly, and Perry snorted.
"Not exactly," he murmured. "Dad said since I wasn't happy now he'd show me how much worse things could be, and I couldn't walk for about a week. But in fairness, I did stop talking to you." He twisted his lips, shrugging wryly. "Guess it might not've been an entirely bad thing that you weren't here. Eventually the fuss died down, and everyone forgot."
"We'll have to be more careful this time," JD said, resisting the urge to reach out and stroke the curls back from the young man's forehead.
"It'll be easier now," Perry assured him. "I'm old enough that I can be out as long as I like--there are plenty of places we can go where on one will notice me talking to you, or care if they did."
"How old are you?" JD asked, his curiosity awoken again, now that the immediate danger from before had been defused.
"I turn seventeen in two months," Perry answered.
JD shook his head slowly, trying to hide his surprise and glad he hadn't guessed. Perry was lanky enough to be fifteen. "I was gone for a long time," he murmured, mostly to himself, but when Perry snickered at him he couldn't help reaching out and swatting his shoulder lightly. "I know, I know--brilliant observation. But you have to realize it's strange for me, to be gone for a day or an hour and come back to find I've missed almost four years."
"You didn't miss anything worth discussing," Perry said, sobering again and looking away. "Would've been easier, in a lot of ways, if you'd been here, but... it would've been harder too. And you're back now," he added, eyes flickering back up to JD, full of hesitant hope; one hand uncurled from where it had been clutching his bed sheets and crept forward to slip shyly into JD's.
JD nodded. "And I will be, as long and as often as I can manage it," he replied, squeezing Perry's fingers gently. "I promise."
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