WIP Week: Reunion

[randomweaving]

Working Title:Reunion
Characters: JD/Perry
Preview Rating: PG
Summary:An AU in which JD is forced to leave Sacred Heart after only his first year to take care of his ailing mother, and returns three years later for Turk and Carla's wedding to find that, with the help of his former mentor, the dream he'd given up on might not be so out-of-reach after all.

Standard WIP disclaimer: Most of these stories were begun a long time ago. We've grown as writers since then. These are also rough, as they're works in progress and have received no more than the most remedial editing. Keep this in mind. These are works in progress, progress being the key word. ;)



Sometimes you make the mistake of thinking you know where you're going in life. That you can predict exactly where you'll be and what you'll be doing in a month, six months, a year. I was just that certain, for a long time. I knew I was going to be in school, and when it was finally over I would be a doctor. I started my internship at Sacred Heart, and I knew I'd finish my residency out there, with my best friend by my side.

I didn't.

Three months in, my mother got sick, and my older brother freaked out. I'm the good son, the responsible one. I went home. Home to flat, joyless Trotwood, Ohio. And spent the next two years helping her die.

Now I don't even bother to pretend I know what's going to happen next.


The invitation arrived two months after the funeral. JD frowned at the heavy envelope with his name written in unfamiliar handwriting. He shrugged to himself, opening it, and felt himself transported back in time.

Christopher Turk and Carla Espinosa joyfully invite you to share in their happiness as they unite in marriage on April 24, 2004.

Below the church address was Turk's familiar scrawl. Dude, you've gotta come. Carla's threatening to get rid of Rowdy.

What could he do? He'd laughed and called Turk that night, agreeing to make it work, and bought a plane ticket.

Two and a half years. JD could still remember the last time he'd seen Sacred Heart...Standing in the entryway, the contents of his locker stuffed into a file box he held to his chest, watching people moving through the waiting room, seeing Elliot wave as she ran past, off to keep living his dreams... He'd taken a deep breath, reminding himself why he had to leave, and had turned to go. Then he'd seen Dr. Cox, but no...no, tempted as he was to go and tell the man he'd hoped would be his mentor for the next few years everything he'd meant to him, tell him goodbye...Cox would laugh it off, and he couldn't take that.

So he'd walked out the door, and boarded a plane the next morning.

Now he was going back.

* * *

JD heard Turk before he saw him. He hitched his carry-on bag higher on his shoulder, picking up his pace, a grin already spreading across his face. It'd been too long...

"Baby, I'm sure this is where his baggage will...JD!"

"Turk!" For a moment, it was as if no time at all had passed when JD felt his best friend's arms come around him in a tight hug. "Good to see you, chocolate bear," he added very softly.

"Bambi...we've missed you." Carla hugged him almost as tightly, when Turk finally let him go, and JD smiled, feeling a bit awkward. But he knew it was only likely to get worse, so he brushed it off.

"I've missed you guys, too." He picked up his fallen bag, grinning shyly at both of them. "A lot. E-mail and phone calls just aren't the same..."

"Not at all the same," Turk agreed, slipping his arm around Carla. She leaned into his side, looking as if she had always belonged there, and JD couldn't help smiling. They looked so right together.

"I'm here for a week," JD offered, shifting his weight from foot to foot, exhausted from the flight. He was running on nervous energy now. "I know you've got wedding stuff, but we can at least hit the town one night..."

"Mi sofa es su sofa," Turk replied, as Carla rolled her eyes.

"Literally," JD shot back, grabbing his suitcase off the carousel. "Not like I was going to send back for it."

They headed out to the car, talking about all the typical topics--weather, the flight. JD didn't ask about the hospital, they didn't ask him about work. Or the funeral, or Dan. It felt odd, for things to be so superficial, but JD didn't have the energy to get into anything else, and didn't want to bring them down.

"Are you sure you guys have room for me? I could grab a hotel..."

"We have room," Turk replied for the fifth time since JD'd first called to say he was coming. "We're in your old room, mine's a guest room that'll hold a couple air mattresses, and there's the couch...we'll fit you all in. Unless you want to stay with Elliot?" he added with a wink, putting JD's suitcase in the trunk.

JD ran his fingers over Malik's side, smiling sadly. He'd missed the old car...but there'd been no need to take it back with him, and Turk needed something to drive. California was not a state to be carless in. He laughed, at Turk's comment, and shook his head. "No thanks. Even if she weren't with that guy...Sean, right?...we would've been a mess together. No setting me up just because you're getting married, all right? I'm not looking for anyone right now..."

Carla turned around as he slid into the back seat. "So there's no one back home?"

"Would've told you if there was. Dan's dating someone, but..." JD shrugged. "No one for me, not right now. Don't look so disappointed," he added, grinning for both of them. "I'm here!"

"You are," Turk agreed, starting up the engine and working the slow way out of the maze that was the airport. "And we're going rip it up just like we used to."

"That's what I'm talking 'bout," JD agreed, leaning back in the seat.

"Oh, baby, we need to drop by work on the way home," Carla said suddenly. "I left the wedding book...and I've got to call the band and check on the cake and..."

"No sweat." Turk agreed. "And JD can say hey to everyone."

"Yeah," JD said softly, smile fading as Turk's eyes turned to the road again. "That'll be...great."

* * *

It hadn't changed a bit. Two and a half years, and Sacred Heart looked exactly the same as the first day he'd walked up to it. He trailed behind Carla, wishing he'd thought to say he was too tired, and would stay in the car, putting this all off. But after all, why wouldn't he want to see all his old friends?

Two and a half years ago, he'd been a promising intern, walking these halls and dreaming about the day he'd be a full-fledged doctor. Now? He'd been bouncing around the Dayton area for the past two years, having to drop any job he could get to look after his mom as she declined further. It'd been easy enough to put off getting another one to come out for the wedding. After all, EMTs and nurse's aides were always in demand, and he'd been both, at various points.

He recognized a few people, but mostly kept his head down, hoping Carla would get her book quickly, and they could go.

So of course she stopped to talk to Laverne. JD sighed, leaning against the wall, head tipped back, eyes closed, willing her to finish quickly.

"Newbie?"

"Oh God," JD murmured, when his spine immediately stiffened. Two and a half years, and he hadn't forgotten that voice. He opened his eyes and looked up, half-smiling. The other man didn't look much older, though his hair was longer, now, and incredibly curly. But somehow, JD wasn't tempted to smile. "Hey, Dr. Cox."

"Jesus--hi," Cox said, an incredulous grin on his face; he stuck out his hand.

JD, surprised, reached out and shook it, his own smile growing a little. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all...

"How the hell are you, kid?" Cox asked when he released him, shaking his head as he looked him over. "God, it's been, what--two years?"

"Two and a half," JD replied. "I'm good, I guess. Feels strange being back here, though."

"Yeah, I imagine," Cox replied, shifting a little awkwardly. "You in town for the wedding?"

JD nodded, grateful for common ground. "Yeah," he said. "Staying with Turk and Carla--we just stopped so Carla could pick up her wedding book, I think."

"Ah." Cox nodded. "Well..." He brushed a hand through his hair, obviously casting about for something to say.

JD jumped in hurriedly, because he knew the next step in the polite conversational dance they were performing: What have you been doing? He didn't think he wanted to see the older doctor's reaction to JD's list of menial jobs, each desperately clinging to the outskirts of the medical profession. "How've things been around here?"

Cox looked relieved. "Oh, well... you know. Same old, same old. Kelso's still an evil old son of a bitch, Jordan still shows up every few weeks to torture me, and I've still got whiny interns following me around all day."

JD tried to hide his wince, nodding to cover it and murmuring something like, "That's rough." Whiny interns... yeah, I guess that's what I was, but damn it if I wouldn't kill to be one now.

But Cox didn't say it to hurt him, and JD knew that, so he shook it off.

"Yeah, well, what are you gonna do?" Cox replied with a shrug.

They stood for a moment, neither quite knowing what to say; fortunately, however, at that moment Turk called out to JD from across the hall. "JD! Dude, c'mere, I want you to say hi to some--oh, hey, Dr. Cox. Is this a bad time?"

"No," JD and Cox said at once, then glanced at each other, chuckling awkwardly. "I mean, I've gotta get back to work," Cox said. "But hey, it was good to see you again. I'll see you at the wedding, I guess?"

"Yeah," JD agreed, shaking Cox's hand again when the older man offered it.

Cox nodded. "See you," he said, then turned and strode away. JD watched for a moment, half-smiling when a young man in light blue scrubs suddenly appeared and began trailing at Cox's side, holding out a chart, which Cox took with a snarl. "Honest to God, Kyle, if you were any more helpless..."

They vanished around the corner, and JD watched, an odd sinking feeling in his chest. It didn't look like Cox had had any trouble replacing him, at least...

"Uh... dude? You okay?"

He jumped, and realized Turk was still waiting for him. "I... yeah," he said. "Sorry." He walked over and let Turk take him by the arm, tugging excitedly.

"You remember that janitor who used to torture you? He heard you were in town and he wanted to say hi... I swear, JD, I think he took it the hardest when you left, he was moping around for weeks, and the bathrooms were filthy--well, more than usual..."

JD half-listened as Turk chattered at him, his mind still in the hallway with Dr. Cox. It had been strange, being so formal with the older man--but what else could they be? It wasn't like JD was still some intern Cox could push around, and that had been about the extent of their relationship. JD hadn't exactly gone around announcing it before he left, but he was sure Cox had heard about it after JD had told Kelso. And even though they'd never formally said goodbye, he'd caught the odd glances Cox had given him, in those last few awkward days. He knew he'd disappointed the older man, but what could he do? His mom had needed him.

And now she was gone. He half-smiled, shoving his hands into his pockets as he let Turk drag him through the hallways. He was a stranger here now; most of the faces were no longer familiar to him, and he slipped past them with his eyes lowered. They were living his life--the life he was supposed to live--and he didn't think he could even pretend to be polite to them.

God, he'd be glad when this week was over.

* * *

But the powers of the universe seemed determined to make the week drag out as long as possible, and to make JD spend half of it at the hospital. He'd remembered it practically eating his life, before, so could hardly blame Turk and Carla for needing to be there constantly. But they wanted him to have coffee in the cafeteria, to come early to pick them up (which he had to do, if he didn't want to rent a car to get around between), to just drop by to say hello...

And every time he had to go in there, he remembered when he'd belonged, when he'd been a part of things...And now Elliot was light-years ahead of him, turned from a mess who hid in closets to a bona-fide knockout, with her shaggy bangs and dark eye make-up. He hadn't known what to say, when he first saw her. And she and Carla were incredibly close, now, when he remembered them being moments away from strangling each other...

Nothing was the same. Even the janitor's good-natured greetings threw him off, instead of being the relief they would've been when he'd first arrived.

JD sighed, making his way to the cafeteria, not surprised to find neither Turk nor Carla were there yet. And he didn't see anyone else he'd known, except Doug Murphy, and the very fact that that screw-up was a resident now...It made JD feel even worse about his own situation. He took a seat as far away from him as he could, hunching his shoulders and pretending to be completely absorbed in stirring his coffee.

He hoped the others would hurry up so he could get out of there, again, and pretend things were normal. At least all the time apart hadn't seemed to come between him and Turk. Not much, anyway. Carla was stilling rolling her eyes at them, and they'd stayed up late every night talking, laughing and goofing off. JD was starting to wish he could stay, for that alone. Turk had always been more of a brother to him than Dan...Still was.

Sighing, he took a long sip of his coffee, wincing at the taste. But smiling, too, remembering when he'd practically lived on it. "Sacred Heart's brewed mud..."

"Still talking to yourself, I see," came a low, amused voice from behind him.

JD jumped, nearly spilling the coffee, and turned. Dr. Cox was smirking at him, holding a cup of coffee himself.

"Some habits never die," JD replied, then nodded awkwardly at the chair across the table. "Do you want to sit? I'm just waiting for Turk and Carla..."

Dr. Cox looked like he was about to say no, then shrugged and nodded. "Yeah, why not?" he said, half to himself as he tugged the chair out from the table and slid into it. He sipped at his coffee and winced; JD smiled and looked down into his own, stirring it idly.

For a few long moments they sat in silence. It wasn't comfortable, but JD wouldn't quite classify it as awkward, either. It certainly was not as awkward as the last time they'd seen each other, anyway.

Tolerant, he finally decided. A tolerant silence. Not where we want to be, maybe, but certainly aware we could do a lot worse.

"Just stopping by?" Cox finally murmured, raising his eyes from his own coffee.

JD nodded. "They wanted me to meet them for coffee," he replied. "I'm only here for the week, and they're both pulling extra shifts so they can get out of work for their honeymoon, so this is about the only way I see them. In theory," he added, glancing ruefully toward the still-empty door.

Cox nodded, and for a moment the silence settled over them again. JD wondered that that the older man didn't have somewhere better to be, but didn't voice his musings; after all, strange though it was to be near him again, it was better than sitting alone.

"So how have you been?" Cox said, when the silence had stretched long enough to start to become uncomfortable.

JD shrugged. "Okay," he said softly. "Dan's dealing worse than I am, but I don't guess that's anything new..." he trailed off when he realized Cox was giving him a confused look, and he suddenly realized that he probably didn't know about JD's mother dying.

Well, why should he? It's not like I've kept in touch with anyone other than Turk, and Carla by association... hell, Elliot probably only knows because Carla tells her everything now, apparently.

"My mom died," he explained. "A little over two months ago."

Cox's face softened in sympathy. "Oh. I--I'm sorry," he said, shaking his head slowly. "That's rough."

JD gave a half shrug. "Yeah," he admitted. "But it was... I mean, we knew it was coming. She'd been getting worse for so long..." he trailed off, eyes drifting toward the window more to avoid the unaccustomed kindness on the older man's face than anything. "I think it was a relief to her, by the end. To let go. It... it was for us, too, in a way. You know?"

"I do," Cox said, and JD did look at him then. Cox's voice had sounded sure, when he'd said that--not like the others back home, who seemed to see death as something to be feared only, never something to be welcomed. The people who couldn't understand how JD could be anything but devastated by the loss, and who tried to tell him it just "hadn't hit him yet" when he expressed anything else.

But Cox knew; JD could read it on his face. He really knew. He was a doctor--and for a doctor, "fate worse than death" was more than an abstract saying.

JD nodded again, a small, shy smile crossing his face. "Thanks."

Cox simply nodded, and the silence that fell over them now stretched until Carla and Turk arrived. This time, though, JD decided it was companionable.

When they appeared in the doorway, Cox stood, giving them both a nod. "Gandhi. Carla. I'll let you three ladies chat."

He winked at JD, who laughed out loud at the revival of the female reference. On impulse, he said, "You don't have to go, if you don't want to... I mean, if you wanna stick around. We're just going to be having coffee..."

Cox looked at him for a moment, a flicker of surprise crossing his face, but he shook his head. "I--no, thanks, but I need to get back to work. I'll see you around, though." He quirked a smile. "I'd say 'see you at the wedding,' but at the rate you're in and out of here I might see you before then anyway."

JD grinned and looked up at Turk. "Blame them," he said simply. "They can't spare a moment for their out-of-town guests, so they make us come here."

Turk snorted. "Dude, we've been over this," he said. "And you don't get to complain. We're saving you a hotel bill."

"Fair enough." He nodded at Cox. "See you... whenever, wherever, I guess." He grinned.

Cox nodded back. "I'll be there."

* * *

And he was. Around the outskirts, nearly every time JD dropped by the hospital. Cox was there, always at least said hello to him...and it made him feel a bit more included to expect that. He'd lost the dread of stepping in Sacred Heart by the day before the wedding, though the regret was ever-present. It was so strange to realize Elliot was handling her own interns, would probably be Chief Resident the next year...Not to mention that her boyfriend was moving in with her.

But he pushed it all down, smiled and talked and laughed with everyone, finding that very few people asked about what he was doing after he told them his mother had died. He felt guilty, but only slightly. Honest commiseration he could handle, but not their pity. It was hard enough from Turk, who wasn't even obvious about it; he couldn't take it from strangers and one-time colleagues.

The night before the wedding wasn't quite what he expected. No bachelor party--Turk had to work the next morning, and they all went straight back to the apartment after the rehearsal dinner. They didn’t even talk for very long. There were too many people to find a private place for it. Instead, JD lay awake for a long time listening to Carla's brother snore, thinking about going home in three days. About what Turk and Carla might be saying to each other at that moment.

And whether or not he'd ever get married, himself. God knew he hadn't really had time to think about a relationship since he'd left. He turned over, punching his pillow a time or two, and tried to sleep again. Fuck, you'd think I was the one whose life was gonna change tomorrow...

Eventually, exhausted, he drifted off, but it seemed to be only moments later that he woke again, the rest of the house already bustling around him.

He sat up on the couch, rubbing at his eyes and glancing at the microwave clock--then realized he couldn't see it over the heads of Carla's sisters, who were sitting at the table talking rapidly to one another in Spanish as they applied their make-up, hair in curlers. They paused to glance at him, and he stammered, "Um. Buenos dίas?"

They giggled, and the one on the right said, "Donuts in the kitchen. Carla and Turk are at work."

JD nodded his thanks and swung his legs over the side of the bed. He'd grown accustomed to sleeping fully clothed, so he simply ran a hand through his hair to calm it a little before trudging into the kitchen, wiping at his eyes.

He ate standing at the breakfast bar, knowing there was no room for him at the table even if he could find it under the piles of make-up and the yards of plastic-wrapped fabric of the bridesmaid's dresses. He stood for a moment after he finished, wondering where Marco was. Apart from getting ready, he had nothing to do until the ceremony, and he figured it would take him twenty minutes, tops, not including the shower.

And that, he decided, should probably wait until the girls left. There was about a two-minute grace period for using the bathroom before one of the women was knocking, so he and Marco and Turk had mostly been grabbing showers when the girls were out. But he'd have plenty of time that afternoon--as bridesmaids, the girls had to be at the church a few hours early, and Elliot was planning on having a bridesmaid lunch at her place before heading over, so after about noon the apartment would be his.

Until then, however, he decided it would be best to clear out. "Hey, I'm gonna take a walk," he said, then wondered why he bothered when neither girl looked up. He glanced toward the guest bedroom where Turk's mom still slept, then shrugged, tossing his jacket on over his t-shirt and grabbing his wallet, keys and cell phone before wandering out the door.

He didn't actually have anywhere in mind, but he ended up at the little coffee shop across from the hospital, and ducked in, thinking he might grab something a little more substantial than a donut for breakfast.

Then heard a voice from a table by the window. "Now, see, this is just getting scary."

JD smiled, turning around. "Just a little. Hey, Dr. Cox. Are you stalking me, or is it the other way around now?"

Cox chuckled, and JD gave him another grin and a nod before moving away to the counter. He ordered a coffee and a breakfast bagel sandwich, planning to take it outside and eat in the park, but as he passed the older man's table, he paused, wondering... "Dr. Cox?" he said. "Do...do you mind if I join you?"

The chair across from the older man suddenly slid out from the table, and Cox nodded at it. "Feel free," he said.

"Thanks." JD sat down, wrapping his hands around his mug. "Carla's sisters have taken over the apartment...Wanted to get out for some air. There are too many people in that place..." His lips twisted. "Sorry. I'll drop the personal stuff."

Cox considered. "I actually think that still meets the criteria for small talk," he said.

JD lifted an eyebrow at him, biting back a smile. "Oh?"

"Sure. As long as it's within the parameters of the 5 W's, it's not personal yet. I'd say that qualifies as an answer to 'why,' right there."

"I'll keep that in mind," JD replied, hiding his smile in his mug. He felt himself start to relax, as silence stretched between them again. He found he liked it, though. Cox wasn't expecting anything from him, was willing to be company with no demand... It felt good. He ate, slowly, and ran a hand back through his hair as he paused, brushing his bangs out of his eyes without thinking.

"You stopped spiking it," Cox observed, watching him.

"Huh?" JD looked down at his coffee for a moment, surprised, and then blushed slightly, when Cox nodded at his hair. "Oh! Oh, yeah...A couple years ago, now. Yours got longer," he added, sipping his coffee and smiling. Since when had Cox noticed his hair?

"Yeah, hair does that, left to its own devices. Why'd you stop? You were so... obsessive about it, before."

JD shrugged, looking out the window for a long moment. "Yeah...I was obsessive about a lot of stupid shit back then. Besides, I didn't really have time to do more than grab a shower, most days. Hell, I couldn't even stay at a job, she needed me too much, and my brother's..." He sighed, and looked back. "I know that didn't qualify as small talk. Sorry."

Cox didn't answer for a moment, taking a sip of his coffee instead and staring out the window, too. Then, quietly, he said, "I don't know who you think is enforcing this 'small talk only' rule, Newbie, but it isn't me."

"Oh. Well..." JD shrugged, smiling slightly. "Guess I don't have to abide by the talking about medical issues only thing now, huh?" He took a long drink, and sighed. "I haven't really talked to anyone about it. I don't want to lay any of it on you, though...It's kind of heavy and we're... We were hardly close, even when I lived here, right?"

Cox shrugged, still staring out the window. "You weren't really here that long," he said.

"Yeah, I know." JD sighed, setting his sandwich down, his appetite disappearing. He poked at it a little. "I didn't want to leave," he offered after a moment.

Cox looked at him, then. "Yeah, I know," he said.

JD looked down into his mug, swirling the coffee still in it. "I thought for a while I could come back, but...anyway." He swallowed it, and set the mug down. "Turk and Carla getting married today. Didn't think that'd happen, when they first got together..."

Cox raised an eyebrow but didn't comment on the abrupt change of subject, for which JD was grateful. "No," he agreed. "Me, neither. Guess sometimes things don't go the way you think they will."

JD snorted softly. "That's an understatement. When I was five I was going to be the first person on Mars..." The first doctor/astronaut, in fact, but he wasn't going to bring that up.

"And now?" Cox said quietly.

JD sighed, crumpling his napkin into a small ball and tossing it onto the table. "Now I don't know what the fuck's going on. Hey, I'll see you at the ceremony, okay? I should head back, in case they need help getting things to the church..." He was running, and he knew it, but he didn't want to admit how bad things were. Not to Cox.

He stood, and Cox stood too, frowning. "Hey--look, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to--"

JD shook his head sharply, but forced a smile onto his face. "You didn't," he said, the words falling flat to his own ears. "I just... well. I'll see you later."

Cox opened his mouth, but at the look on JD's face closed it again, nodding slowly. "Yeah, okay," he murmured. "See you later, JD."

JD nodded once, then snatched his half-full cup of lukewarm coffee and headed toward the door, downing the remains and setting the mug on the counter on his way out.

It wasn't until he was halfway back to the apartment that he realized Dr. Cox had used his real name.

* * *

JD's excuse of helping the girls had been just that, an excuse. He knew they wouldn't want his help, and didn't need it in any case. He walked along the road back toward the apartment, feet still remembering the way, even after so long. But their car was still parked downstairs, so he turned around, turning wherever fancy took him, eventually ending up at the park.

He sprawled out on the grass on his stomach, letting the spring sunshine bake into him, hood flipped up to keep his neck from getting sunburned. He tried not to think, not to dwell on anything. Tried to just feel...

Feel the light breeze brush the grass in front of him, the way the denim of his jeans gradually grew warm, then hot, making his skin flinch away from it when he shifted. Feel the day, smell the warm, soft scents of nature around him, though it was all faintly overlaid with the acrid taste of smog.

Finally, after a long time spent just lying there, he turned over, looking up at the sky. "Thanks, Mrs. Tanner," he murmured, hands linking behind his head as he watched a few clouds wander across the sky. He tried to pull up a daydream, let himself get lost, but couldn't manage it. It was funny...He would've thought he'd daydream more, with a reality around him he sometimes thought he couldn't bear for another moment. But instead, he got lost in his own thoughts much less often than he had before...before.

His phone rang, buzzing against his thigh, and he closed his eyes, before pulling it out. Dan. He hesitated for a long moment, before slipping it back into his pocket unanswered. He just didn't have the energy to be his brother's sounding board. No wonder Mom left the house to him...He's never moving out of it on his own...

JD had lost all hero worship, and most of his respect for his older brother within months of his return. Dan's glory days of high school were far behind him, but he held onto them with a determined grip. But it wasn't just that refusal to move beyond them. He'd been less than no help, the entire time JD'd watched their mother die. He'd had to take care of the both of them, and he was tired of it. Bone tired. He couldn't be his brother's keeper any longer.

You stopped spiking it.

He heard Cox's voice again in his mind, and brushed a hand back through his hair. God, he should probably stop by somewhere and get it cut before the wedding, it was shaggy and too long, and he knew it. Two and a half years ago, it would've been the foremost thing on his mind. If he'd let his hair get too long in the first place, which he wouldn't have. Now...he pushed it out of his face and forgot about it.

Had his whole life turned into that? Forget dreams, things that used to be important, just push them out of the way and get on with what you have to do... Yeah, he decided, it was. Except now...now what he'd had to do was over, and he was just...drifting.

He rolled over again, hiding his face from the sun, waiting to go home. Or...no. Back to Turk and Carla's. He didn't belong here, now. Didn't belong anywhere...

Once it would've made him sad. Now he just felt more exhausted.

* * *

JD was nearly late. Time had gotten away from him as he lay on the grass in the park, and then he'd gotten himself lost on the way back. So he slipped into the church just as the last few people were being seated, and found a spot near the back of Turk's side. He couldn't help shaking his head, seeing the Todd was one of the groomsmen... Turk had told him he would've made JD best man, if they'd been sure he could make it. Instead, Turk's brother had the office, and JD sat in the congregation, watching as his best friend got married.

It was a beautiful ceremony, and more than a few people were crying. The fact that Elliot was maid of honor made him raise his eyebrows slightly, but she and Carla really had grown close. He wouldn't have believed it without seeing it.

He sat at the right times, stood at the right times, and murmured the right responses, thinking that once he would've had a prank planned for the "if anyone here knows some reason these two should not be conjoined" part, but now he just smiled when Carla glared at everyone.

She was beautiful, and Turk couldn't take his eyes off her, as they pledged all the usual vows. JD'd heard the ones they'd written for each other, the night before. This was right. It truly was. He'd thought Turk had lost his mind, when he said he was getting married, but...this made too much sense, for it not to happen.

He clapped and cheered along with everyone else, when the priest presented them to everyone, and flashed Turk a grin as they made their way back down the aisle. It'd really happened...

* * *

The reception hall was beautifully decorated, a band set up on the stage, and a large space for dancing in front of it. But on entering, JD saw one and only one thing. The open bar. "Oh thank God..."

He loosened his tie, and headed over, smiling at the girl behind the counter, thinking for a moment. He didn't want to get completely smashed right away, but he wanted to blunt the edges before the bridal party arrived, finished with pictures. Easier to smile and laugh and be as cheerful as he was supposed to...and an appletini wasn't going to cut it.

"A black Russian, please," he said finally, and turned away with it in his hand, finding his seat soon enough.

And almost groaned. Instead, he knocked back his drink, trying not to make a face, and set the glass down, before dropping into his chair, looking at the man beside him. "Getting scary, you said?"

"You'd have to talk to Carla about this one," Cox replied, nodding and lifting his glass of scotch in a salute. He obviously hadn't wanted to wait either. "She made the seating chart."

JD sighed. "Surprised she didn't put me next to one of her hot cousins or something," he muttered. Carla had been trying to set him up since he'd arrived, dropping hints about the single nurses at the hospital or the cute chick at the coffee shop. Turk had been no better. He knew they simply wanted him to be happy, and he was sure part of it was guilt that they'd both ended up where they wanted to be while he had done a complete 180, but he just wasn't interested in a sympathy fuck, even if it would be the first time in months.

Cox snorted. "That would be more like her," he agreed, rolling his eyes. "She's been after me to find someone and settle down for at least a year. I think it's a symptom of being engaged."

"Maybe she'll get better now that she's married?" JD suggested, and Cox lifted his glass, downing the rest of his scotch.

"I'll drink to that."

JD passed his own empty glass from hand to hand. "Of course, she might just decide everyone she knows should get married, too..." He shuddered. "Doubt even being back in Ohio would save me from that one."

Cox sighed. "Not me," he said. "I think I've proven I'm not a marriage kinda guy. She'd probably settle for just seeing me go on a date."

"What about the med student Turk said you were with? He kept complaining about how you were keeping her busy when he needed her around..." JD sighed, wishing he'd thought to order two drinks.

"Oh, same ol', same ol'," Cox sighed, staring at his glass, twisting it as though to make sure the scotch was all gone. "Slept with my ex wife, and my girlfriend found out." He glanced at the bar. "Think I could use a refill. What are you drinking?"

JD half-smiled, one side of his mouth turning up. "That'll do it...and it was a black russian. Thanks."

Cox stood and snagged JD's empty glass, wandering toward the bar. JD watched him, thinking it should have seemed odder to see the man in a suit instead of scrubs and a lab coat. But really, was it so surprising? After all, he hadn't exactly been meeting him in a mutually medical setting, and Cox had been treating him as a fellow human instead of an intern.

Part of him rejoiced, of course; he was finally getting the respect he'd always wanted from the older man, after all.

But another part of him hated it, a little. After all, he'd wanted to earn Cox's respect on his own terms--by becoming his colleague, not by incurring his pity.

He sighed, looking away. Now was not the time to pick at that wound, even though it was near impossible to avoid; the entire week he'd felt like he was standing on the sidelines, watching what should have been his own life, and it was getting harder and harder to shove that away like he had been for the last two years.

Cox returned, settling himself down into his seat once more; his fingers brushed JD's as he handed him his drink. "Cheers," he said dryly.

JD swallowed when Cox's fingers touched his, and took the drink from him with a nod. "Thanks. God..." He shook his head, draining about half the glass. "Well, it was a beautiful wedding, right? They look good together..."

Cox sipped at his scotch and winced. "Beautiful reception, anyway," he said, he said, lifting the drink. "And yeah, they do. Gandhi's an idiot, but... he makes her happy, at least." He sighed, staring into his glass. "It's more than I could have done."

JD felt his eyebrows rise up, and irritably schooled his expression into one less surprised. "You and Carla? I didn't know there'd been...anything, with you two. I guess I can kind of see it, though...She was the only one you were ever nice to."

Cox huffed. "I don't know if you could've called it anything," he said. "I took her on one date, and she made it abundantly clear she wasn't interested." He took another sip of his scotch, still not looking at JD. "It wouldn't have worked, I'm sure," he said softly. "I care about her too much. I'd've pushed her away sure as daylight, the moment she acted like she might care back." He shook his head, sharply, and looked up, an incredulous look on his face. "What the hell is this?" he asked, a bemused grin crossing his face. "Confession?"

JD wrinkled his nose and drained the rest of his glass. "It's called open bar," he replied. "Guaranteed to loosen any tongue."

Cox chuckled, and followed suit, draining his own drink. "Amen." He glanced at JD from the corner of his eye. "So what about you?" he said. "Since we're apparently sharing. Got those big, soulful eyes of yours set on any Midwest farmers' daughters?"

"Nah. They're not California girls, right?" JD grinned slightly. But his face slid back to the non-expression he'd had for most of the time since he'd come back. "I haven't had the time, anyway, even if I'd found anyone I was interested in. Which I haven't. Last person I was interested in..." He shook his head, grinning returning. "Well, you burst in on us and fucked up the first kiss, and it never got off the ground after that."

"I burst in? That was over two years ago, then--lord, Newbie, you need to get out more. That's a hell of a dry spell!"

"Yeah, well, taking care of you mom while she's dying kind of cuts into your social time," JD replied, frowning at his glass. That last drink had to have been a double, for him to be talking this much. "Only people I met back home were Dan's stupid bar friends...and I don't want anyone, guy, girl, whatever, who can't string two sentences together without an invitation to go get fucked up."

"Does sound less than stimulating," Cox agreed. He shook his head. "God, listen to us. We sound like we belong on Oprah or something. Or at least singing a rousing chorus of 'When will I find love?'"

JD snorted. "It's cliche as hell, isn't it? Get drunk and complain at your best friend's wedding...least I don't have to worry about fucking up the toast."

Cox opened his mouth to reply, but shut it again when the door opened and Turk appeared. He scanned the room quickly, then, upon spotting JD, hurried forward. "Dude--come here, we want to get a picture with you."

JD hid a wince, feeling like an ass now for complaining, but shrugged to Cox and stood up, tightening his tie and brushing his hair back a little. Should've gotten it cut... "Sure. As long as Carla doesn't mind that I don't match...?"

"Carla's just glad you're here. And so am I. Now come on!" Turk grabbed his arm and pulled him across the room again, leaving Cox looking after them.

JD didn't have to fake a smile, for the pictures that followed. Carla was radiant, the happiest he'd ever seen her, and Turk was practically bouncing with joy. It was contagious, if only for those few moments; he belonged again.

The photographer took several different pictures: one of him with Carla, one of him with Turk, and several of him with the both of them. In those, JD was always in the middle. Bride and groom pressed in on either side of him, wrapping their arms around him, and it wasn't the light, fake, posing-with-a-barely-tolerated-relative sort of touch, either. It was genuine, their bodies warm and solid as they leaned into him, their torsos half turned, heads tilted toward him in a way that was at once protective and possessive.

When the photographer finished, Turk turned toward him. "Listen, JD... we wanted to ask you something."

JD smiled, relaxed. He knew part of it was probably the buzz he had going, but most of it was just the pure feeling of belonging with his friends again. "If I can, I will. You know that, dude. So what's up?"

Turk hesitated, glancing at Carla. "Look, man... we're worried about you. You haven't been yourself, you know? I mean, hell knows you had a reason, but...you don't, now. You know?"

JD's smile slipped into an expression of bewilderment. "I'm not sure," he said slowly.

Turk drew a breath, then said in a rush: "We want you to move back out here."

"We know that's a major decision," Carla interjected, laying a gentle hand on his shoulder. "And we don't expect you to decide this right away. But don't say no yet. Promise you'll think about it?"

"You want me to move back?" JD's eyes widened, and he laughed, shaking his head. They were obviously insane, but it was their wedding day, he'd give them what they asked for. At least part of it. "I...okay, okay, I'll think about it. Won't say no yet."

"That's all we're asking, man," Turk replied, and they both hugged him again, Carla kissing his cheek.

Move back. God. Even once he got his own place, every time he saw them...They'd be talking about the hospital, he knew it. Swapping patient stories, gossiping, everything they'd been doing between wedding talk all week, all the things they used to do when they all went out together before he'd left...Could he really come back here, and watch that, have to pretend it didn't bother him?

And he'd have to find work, good, steady, well paying work, and fast. California was not nearly as cheap as Ohio, after all, and he wouldn't even have a roommate to help out on the rent...Even assuming he got a studio, it'd probably run around $700-$800 a month...

JD followed them back inside, stopping at the bar as they started the receiving line, getting himself a refill, and one for Cox as well, plunking it down beside him. "Here. And if you don't need it, I will."

Cox glanced up at him. "That bad?" he said, surprised, though he accepted the drink with a nod. "What'd they do, betroth you to their next of kin? Name you godfather to their first-born child?"

"They want me to move back."

Cox was silent for a long moment, and JD stared at his glass; even though he'd felt desperate for a drink, he found he was almost too stunned to drink it.

Finally, Cox drew a breath. "You should," he said simply.

"Isn't offering advice breaking the drunken confessional rules?" JD asked, shaking himself and taking a sip, starting to wish he'd ordered an appletini instead. "But all right. Why? I know they think they can fix my life for me, if I do. Introduce me to the right girl, somehow solve the whole job thing... But why do you think I should?"

Cox pursed his lips, and shrugged. "I don't know. Scotch talking? But honestly, JD, I may not have known you long, but it doesn't exactly take a genius to see you've been unhappy where you are. And w--people around here have missed you. Turk and Carla still talk about you constantly. When you said you'd be coming, I swear I think they were more excited about that than about the wedding."

JD was too surprised by what Cox was saying to notice the near slip, and smiled a little to himself. "Really? Wow...I mean, it's good to see them, too, it's just..." He groaned, and took another drink. "I'd do it in a second, if I didn't think I'd end up resenting the hell out of them in a few months. Hell, I've been doing it all week..."

"Who's to say you won't find someone, out here?"

JD nearly snorted vodka out his nose, and grabbed a napkin to wipe his chin, laughing ruefully. "Fuck...God, not about that. I'm nothing but happy for them for being together and married."

Cox tilted his head, looking perplexed. "Then why?"

"Turk's a surgeon, man, and Carla's a nurse, and Elliot's nearly done with her residency..." JD shook his head. "And I? Will be heading back and trying to get a job as an EMT. If I'm lucky. I worked as a nurse's aide for a few months last year. Had to quit when my mom got worse. Was an EMT for a bit before that, I'm hoping they can take me back now, but I sort of doubt it considering I had to quit without warning. The only thing I ever, ever wanted to be, growing up, was a doctor. And I almost made it, I was going to be, and then... And it's my problem, my issue, not theirs, and I know I've got to deal with it, but...I don't want to put them through my being an asshole, because I can't always hide it."

Cox had turned to face him proper during his rant, eyebrows raised in genuine surprise. When JD finished, feeling slightly abashed for sharing but drunk enough by now that he didn't care, Cox shook his head slightly. "Then... finish?"

JD stared at him. "What?"

"Take the test, get a new internship, finish it this time, do your residency, become a doctor," Cox recited, shrugging as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Jesus, kid, it's been two years, not two decades, and you've been in and out of hospitals in the meantime. How much could you have forgotten that you couldn't relearn?"

"I..." JD blinked at him, and pushed his half-empty glass away. "Probably not much, I've been studying between...Good way to stay awake." He almost smiled. So like Cox to take a major emotional turmoil of the past few years and pop it like an overfilled balloon. Did he really care that he'd be behind everyone? Maybe a little, if Elliot got assigned as his resident (and more if it was Doug) but...

The older man shrugged. "Worth considering, at any rate," he said. "Seems a shame to pay off those med school loans on a nurse aid's salary."

"Fuck, tell me about it..." JD shook his head, looking over at the receiving line again, people walking along and wishing Turk and Carla all the best... "I never thought I could go back...But then I haven't been thinking much at all, since I left. Easier not to." He offered Cox a wry grin. "Don't even daydream now, you'll be no doubt relieved to know..."

"You don't?" Far from sounding relieved, Cox seemed almost disappointed. "That's kind of a shame..."

JD stared at him. "Dude...you used to yell at me for it nearly every day. And I didn't even tell you about them. You would've yelled at me more, then..."

"Well, there are times and places, of course, but..." Cox shrugged. "I don't know. I thought it was kind of... endearing. In an odd sort of way. Definitely unique, at least." He laughed, suddenly, and set down his glass. "Ooookay, no more scotch for me."

"Endearing? Big, bad Perry Cox thought I was endearing?" JD broke out laughing, the first free, easy laughter he could remember having for a long time. "God..." He wiped his eyes. "I'll remember that, then. Fake it for you sometime."

Cox snorted, flushing a little, but he grinned. "No faking it," he said sternly. "I want the real deal, baby."

"Well...I'll do my best, but don't hold your breath." JD sat back, watching as Turk and Carla headed to their table. They still had to have the toasts, cut the cake, start the dancing... "I would like to belong somewhere again. I know..." He paused, and bit his lip for a second, before draining his drink, determined that it'd be the last one. "I know you said I was okay, that I might get better...And that I was too hung up on what other people thought," he added wryly. "I've...well, I care a lot less about that than I used to, but at the risk of sounding like I don't...Do you think I should try for it, again? That I'd be a good doctor?"

Cox frowned at his glass, and for a long moment was silent; JD felt his heart beginning to sink. "You... you don't have to answer that, if..."

"You want to know what I said to them? In your evaluation?" Cox interrupted suddenly, though he didn't look up from studying his scotch glass.

JD only paused for a moment. "Sure. Not like I could feel much worse about myself than I have for the last year... That was a joke," he added lamely, when Cox shot him a look.

"I told them you were smart," he said. "Competent--enthusiastic, determined to be better every day... I told them they didn't want to lose you. You're meant to be a doctor, JD. It would be stupid if you gave that up now, for no reason at all."

JD started to regret his promise to himself to stop drinking. He hadn't thought it'd happen this soon... "You said that, about me? I...Um. Wow. Thank you, Dr. Cox. Guess that more than answers my question...I did try to do my best. Wanted to save everyone..." He shook his head a little, but a small, genuine smile had taken up residence on his face, lighting his eyes. "Still do. Who would've thought I'd come out of this as naive as I went in?"

Cox shrugged. "I'd expect nothing less of you," he replied.

Just then, the sound of silver clinking against crystal drew their attention to the front table; Turk's brother had risen to his feet.

The toast was good, but not, JD liked to think, as good as his own would've been. Not that he had anything prepared, now, so he shook his head slightly when Turk shot a glance at him. Other people gave toasts, too, and soon most of the women in the room seemed to be crying.

After the toasts, dinner was served, and JD mechanically ate the chicken in front of him, watching as Turk and Carla made the rounds, stopping by every table to talk for a few minutes. Cox was apparently willing to let the conversation go back to more general topics, as other people joined their table to eat, and JD gratefully let him.

The food sobered him up a bit, and he spent most of the rest of the reception doing his best to not think. Which was a great deal easier once the dancing started. More than once, though, he wished he could've skipped out early, but knew he was in no shape to drive himself, even if he hadn't promised to help out with some of the clean-up.

Finally, amid hugs and well-wishes, Turk and Carla took off, and everyone else started to disperse as well. JD helped Marco collect things together to toss in the back of the car, before gratefully leaving and collapsing on the sofa back at the apartment. It'd been a beautiful wedding, it was over, and he was grateful.

His plane left in two days. Which left him forty-eight hours to decide whether or not he'd be on it.

* * *

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