randomweaving: (Drowning)
[personal profile] randomweaving
Fic: Drowning
Characters: John Dorian/Perry Cox
Rating: PG-13 for language and barely implied m/m attraction.
Description: A severe rainstorm has unexpected consequences. Written for [livejournal.com profile] 2dozenowies. Which means yeah, it's hurt/comfort. Not part of the Changeling verse.



Perry wasn't in the best of moods.

First of all, the last solid week of torrential rain had finally made it necessary to begin sandbagging the drainage ditch two blocks away from his apartment. Any and all who were available were roped into volunteering, and Jordan had insisted he go. Never mind it was the first full week of vacation he'd had in almost three years. So there he was, soaking wet, hoisting sandbag after sandbag onto the wall he and the rest of the volunteers were constructing, while below them, the water ran muddy and fast toward the Pacific.

Second of all, he was here with none other than Newbie. That'd be bad enough, but he also had managed to hurt the kid's feelings, when he snapped at him to either shut the hell up or Perry was going to shove the next bag down his throat. The kid had at least stopped talking after that, but he'd been throwing Perry wounded glances out of those huge doe eyes ever since, and Perry was seriously beginning to think he preferred chatter to the silent guilt trip.

Thirdly--well, thirdly, he'd forgotten his lunch. Not the biggest deal, but certainly the olive in the piss martini that was his day.

* * *

JD packed the bags he was handed in as tightly as he could, thinking longingly of snow. At least it stayed put for a while when it fell...and places where it did snow were designed to deal with it. Not here, not in California, the state where it never, ever rains...And where they all believe it so much, every time it does, it floods. And he might not have a ground floor apartment, but he still wasn't going to let part of the city flood.

If he'd known volunteering was going to put him in Dr. Cox's path all day, though, he might've thought twice. Well no, that wasn't true. If he'd known the kind of mood the older doctor would be in, then he might've thought twice. But he supposed he should be used to the abuse by now, and just shut up when he was told too, too wet and uncomfortable to argue, or keep annoying the other man just for the heck of it.

They worked in silence as the other volunteers shouted orders and joked above the roar of the water in the ditch and the pounding of the rain. As the day wore on, they moved further and further apart, Cox staying to unload new sandbags and JD moving down the line to pack them with the others. He shouldn't take it personally, he knew--Cox just was the way he was, and he'd been that way for four years. Honestly, he found himself more surprised than hurt--or rather, surprised that he was hurt. He knew Cox better than that.

But lately, if he was completely truthful with himself, he'd simply been taking things Cox said a little harder. Maybe it had to do with his dad's death, a few months ago; maybe it was the fact that since Turk and Carla had gotten married and he himself had finally realized he wasn't in love with Elliot, it just seemed like everything was changing. The fact that he'd just broken up with Kylie didn't help matters either.

He sighed, standing to stretch and wiped ineffectually at the water that dripped into his eyes. He was starting to get a headache, on top of everything. Maybe he would feel better if he just apologized to Cox. Even though by all rights, Cox should be the one apologizing to him. He scowled, frustrated with himself, and turned his attention back to packing the wall. Screw this--if Cox wanted to be an ass, well, JD would let him. He'd taken the blame for their stupid falling outs for long enough. This time he'd call the older man's bluff. If Cox honest to God hated him as much as he claimed to, well... maybe it was past time JD accepted that and stopped chasing after something that was never there in the first place.

He knew it was probably a combination of the rain and the pounding in his head that was making him react this way, but he decided he didn't care. He grabbed the next bag and stood, ready to put it into place.

Of course that's when Jordan showed up. With a smirk, an umbrella, perfectly put together and gorgeous, if no less frightening than usual. JD saw her and scowled, almost without meaning to, pretending not to notice when she raised an eyebrow at him. He didn't know why she'd come out here, or why she'd brought Jack, he realized, scowl deepening to a frown as he saw the boy walking after her--well, toddling, at least--but there he was.

* * *

"So, what'd you do to DJ?" Jordan asked, handing a lunch box over to Perry, grinning slightly.

Perry raised an eyebrow, glancing at JD; the kid was frowning at them, but when he realized Perry was watching, he turned back to his chore quickly. Perry tilted his head, frowning; sure, he'd snapped at the kid, but lord, how was that anything new? But JD was working with quick, jerky movements that meant he was either angry or actually hurt. Perry couldn't decide which would be odder.

"Told him to shut the hell up?" he answered, then leaned in to kiss Jordan hello. "Thanks, by the way."

She kissed him back. "Yeah, don't get used to it. I just didn't want to hear you complaining tonight about how hungry you were."

"Fair enough." He glanced down at Jack, standing at Jordan's side and staring with wide eyes at the wall of sandbags. "So why did you really come out here?"

Jordan smirked. "We're going shopping," she said. "Jack needs new shoes. Since this is right on the way anyway, I figured I'd bring you your lunch."

As they spoke, JD cast them a surreptitious glance, relieved to see they were no longer interested in him. Well, relieved, and slightly crestfallen. He'd heard Jordan say his name (well, he'd heard her say DJ, anyway), but apparently if he'd been of any interest to them, he wasn't now.

Jordan lifted an eyebrow, looking Perry up and down. "Well, fun as it is watching you get drenched, this is a new suede jacket, and I'd really rather not ruin it. We'll see you tonight?"

Perry rolled his eyes, but nodded. "Tonight," he said, leaning forward to kiss her again.

She pulled away, smiling. "Come on, Jack, let's go," she said. Then froze, frowning. "Perry...where's Jack?"

Perry's eyes widened; he looked down, but his son was nowhere to be seen. He whipped his head around, feeling panic rising in his breast. "Jack?" he called. Then, cupping his hands around his mouth, "Jack!"

* * *

JD's head snapped up, when he heard them calling, and then his heart slipped right into his shoes. Because Jack was only a few feet away from him, just done climbing up the wall of sandbags. He was standing on the top, pointing at the water on the other side and saying something, but it was lost in the sound of the rain.

Trying not to think of how slippery the soles of the bright plastic rain boots the boy was wearing must be, JD dropped the bag he was holding, and got to the wall. "Hey, Jack buddy, you don't want to...shit!"

Jack slipped, and JD didn't think. He jumped, grabbing for him, and somehow getting him back to the safe side of the wall, still hanging half over it himself. Jack was screaming, but safe, and JD had time to breathe a sigh of relief, starting to pull himself back up, and look for Dr. Cox.

Which was when the slipperiness of his own worn sneakers made itself known. His foot slipped, and the hastily built wall--the wall all his weight rested on--collapsed, dumping him down the slope and into the ditch, the displaced sand bags splashing down right after him.

* * *

Perry, who had caught sight of Jack only a few moments after JD had, watched the scene unfold in horror. He dashed forward, racing to where his son stood crying, hands clamped tightly over his ears, and grabbed him, swinging him up and looking for Jordan.

She'd followed him, umbrella lying forgotten in the lot behind her, and was sobbing, "Jack--oh, Jack, Jack..."

"Take him!" Perry ordered, shoving Jack into her arms, then spinning around and peering over the wall.

"JD!" he shouted, squinting through the rain, but the only sight that greeted him was the swirl of the muddy water below.

Shit! Perry raked a hand through his curls, staring frantically down at the water, waiting for JD's head to reappear--Jesus, couldn't the kid swim? Where--

It was then his eyes fell on the collapsed wall, and realized there was a significantly fewer number of bags than there had been before.

Oh, no...

* * *

JD hit the water hard, but he'd had just enough time to take a deep breath before going under. And somehow held it, when the sandbags landed, sodden, tightly packed and heavy. And right on top of him. Oh shit...

He opened his eyes in the murky water, trying to think. They couldn't be that hard to eel out from, not really... So he tried kicking free, moving aside, and couldn't. There were more than the few he'd seen slide down after him as he fell. He pushed a few sandbags off himself, trying to ignore the growing burning in his lungs, and hoped to God someone had noticed him go over. But even when he'd cleared them, his leg was still caught on what looked like half a tree, itself firmly held against an intake grating.

Mother fucking...I am so screwed. He looked up, gauging how much time he had, and steeled himself. Twisting his ankle in what seemed the best direction, he yanked hard. And lost his air in a rush of bubbles at the sudden explosion of pain.

* * *

Fuck--he's been down there too long. Perry began to scramble out of his jacket, toeing off his shoes at the same time. "Jordan--call someone, get help."

"I--wait, Perry, what are you doing?" She cried, grabbing his arm as he approached the ditch and glanced down, gauging the distance. She hadn't seen JD go over.

Perry shook her off. "JD's still down there," he gritted. "I'm going after him."

"What--no! Perry, I'll call someone, we'll--"

"No time, Jordan! He'll drown before they can help him! Stop arguing and GO GET HELP!"

She snapped her mouth closed, eyes wide, and nodded, turning to dash toward the other volunteers, several of whom had noticed the commotion and were now staring, slack-jawed, at Perry.

He ignored them, trying to estimate the depth of the water. It had to be at least eight or nine feet--maybe more--and the current was moving fast. He wouldn't be able to fight it, not without something to anchor him.

The sandbags. He snatched one and held it tightly to his chest, then scrambled over the few remaining bags in the collapsed portion of the wall before drawing a deep breath and plunging into the swirling water.

* * *

JD clamped his mouth closed again, just managing to avoid breathing water. But he was light headed, now, from pain and lack of oxygen both. Fire danced up and down his leg, and he wondered idly if he'd broken something. Won't matter if I don't get out of this... And it was still stuck, in any case.

He looked up, eyes straining through the water, but everything was too confused and too dark for him to make anything out. Until a large shadow headed right toward him.

And this time, he did inhale water with his scream.

* * *

Perry could barely see, but he was able to make out the shape vaguely struggling beneath him. He felt a small swell of relief--JD had not been swept down current, at least--but it was short-lived. He had to get the kid out of there. Now.

He let the bag carry him to the bottom of the ditch, then worked his way up, grabbing onto the drainage grate to pull himself forward. It became very immediately obvious what the problem was: JD's leg was trapped between a fallen tree and the grate, his ankle wedged beneath a branch that had pinned him there when the log rolled.

Perry thought quickly. He could probably move the tree, but it would take both hands, and JD, once free, would quickly be swept away by the current. Perry would have to somehow secure him to one place before he moved the branch.

And he was running out of time. His own lungs were beginning to burn; he released a little bit of air, and that helped some, but he knew JD had to be gotten out of the water, and fast. He'd been under for far too long, and his form was frighteningly limp and unresponsive.

He moved himself up, positioning himself against JD's body and securing JD's leg between his own. It wasn't perfect, but he could at least hold him in place long enough to grab him, once he'd freed him of the log.

He then reached forward, gripping the slippery branch, and tugging with all his might.

It worked. The log rolled, and JD's foot slipped free. Perry released the log and turned quickly, fingers curling in JD's jacket to pull him in to his body and hold him there. Then, quickly, he began pulling himself up along the grate. He would have to lunge for the surface, and hope to God Jordan had somehow gotten someone with help who could pull them out before the current swept them both away.

She had. He saw the rope dangling the moment he broke the surface, and made a grab for it. His fingers closed around the rough surface and he sucked a fresh breath of air into his lungs before taking a better grip on the rope, and on JD. Soon enough, there were many hands pulling them up over the now broken wall, and they were safe on dry land.

Or at least, he was safe. No telling about JD, not yet.

Perry felt hands pulling at his shoulders, his arms, trying to tug him away from JD.

"He needs a doctor!" he heard someone shout; then, addressing him, "Sir, please, give him some room, he needs medical attention..."

"I am a fucking doctor, so let go of me!" Perry shouted, jerking his arm out of the man's grip. He crawled forward to kneel over JD's limp body, shaking his head in disbelief as he assessed him.

JD's face was white, lips faintly tinged blue; his hair was stuck to his brow, and his eyes were closed. Perry shoved away the panic and grief that wanted to overcome him, his medical training kicking in. He leaned forward, taking JD's wrist in one hand while lowering his ear to JD's mouth to see if he was breathing.

He wasn't. And he could not detect a pulse. He laid his head on JD's chest, listening, but heard nothing.

Shit.

He drew himself up quickly, tilting JD's head back and grasping his chin in one hand to pull his mouth open. With the other, he pinched JD's nose shut. Then he lowered his own mouth, closing over JD's lips and blowing gently into his mouth twice. That done, he sat back quickly and positioned his hands, one atop the other, over JD's sternum, pushing down in a series of quick, steady movements.

Come on, kid, come on...

Nothing.

He lunged forward, giving JD two more breaths before resuming CPR. Faintly, in the background, he was aware of the sound of an ambulance siren, but all his focus was on JD.

"Please, please," he whispered, once again fighting panic. "Come on, JD, please..."

Two more breaths, then more CPR. JD was cold and still. "God, kid, don't do this to me..." Perry begged, voice breaking on a sob as he moved forward to give him another two breaths. "Damn it, breathe!"

Finally, as the siren came closer, JD coughed, hard, water spilling from his mouth. The onlookers started to relax, but the young man didn't open his eyes, or wake up. Perry cursed again, feeling Jordan's hand on his shoulder when the paramedics suddenly appeared, brisk and efficient.

This time, Perry was pulled away, and he didn't fight it, feeling too stunned to do so. He just stared, as the paramedics got to work.

"He's tachycardic..."

"How are his O2 stats?"

"68. Intubate him."

"Possible hypothermia--grab some blankets, let's get him on the stretcher..."

Perry let the voices wash over him, unable to do anything but look on in horror and grief as the paramedics intubated JD, helping him breathe through the clear plastic pump, and wrapped him in blankets. They hoisted him onto the stretcher and loaded him into the ambulance, doors slamming shut, and were gone before Perry could react.

Jordan came back, and tugged him to his feet with one hand, Jack still firmly held in her other arm. "Come on, Perry, let's get you warm and changed. They're taking him to Sacred Heart, we can follow..."

Perry blinked at her, running a hand through his soaking hair, ready to argue there was no time for changing clothes, for anything that minor.

"Perry...come on, you're shivering. We'll get to him as soon as we can." Jordan's calm was cracking around the edges, he could tell, but it was more than he could manage.

"I..." he shook his head. "Jordan, I--we have to go. Now. Look, you-- you take Jack home, get him changed. I'll drive over to the hospital and meet you guys there."

"You'll see him just as quickly if you get dry first, and I don't think you should drive after diving in there..." But Jordan knew she was fighting a losing battle.

"I'm fine," Perry insisted, though he was shivering. "Look, I'll turn up the heat in the Porsche, and I can get a pair of scrubs at the hospital--Jordan, I can't leave him." He squeezed her hand, looking at her intently. "I can't," he said softly, shaking his head. "God, he saved Jack's life, I--" he broke off, swallowing and closing his eyes briefly. "I have to go. Meet me there when you can."

With that, he pulled away, sprinting toward his car, leaving Jordan and Jack behind him, getting soaked in the rain.

* * *

JD woke in the ambulance.

His first instinct was to panic--unfamiliar faces surrounded him, and the memory of drowning was still very fresh on his mind. He struggled, gagging on the tube down his throat, and was immediately restrained by one of the paramedics.

"Woah, woah--easy there," he said. "You're on assisted respiration--if you can cough the tube up for me we'll let you breathe on your own. Can you do that?"

JD did--after being trapped under water, he didn't want anything in his lungs but air. Not even a tube. He coughed, and the paramedic pulled out the tube. "We're going to keep you on an oxygen mask, though, okay?" he said. "It's just air, though. Don't panic."

Don't panic. Easy for him to say. JD nodded, though, and started to relax, just a bit. He wasn't dead. Couldn't be, this was definitely not any kind of an afterlife. Not as much as he hurt...But how had he gotten out of the water? His mind was coming up with a huge blank. "How..." he coughed again, and gave up talking as a bad deal. And bumped his throat up to number two on the list of things that hurt. His ankle was still winning...

The medic peered down at him. "Easy, there," he said. "Your throat's going to be pretty sore after inhaling that water, not to mention after having that tube down your throat. Just relax, we're going to take care of you. We're heading for Sacred Heart Hospital--do you know where that is?"

JD couldn't help giggling, even though it hurt. He nodded, deciding not to try to explain he'd worked there for nearly four years. Instead, he closed his eyes again, grimacing a little. Rainwater run-off left a horrible aftertaste.... He dreaded to think what kinds of bacteria he must've swallowed, with everything else...But he was alive. And Jack was safe, so it hadn't been useless.

He had questions, sure--like how long had he been underwater? And how had he gotten out? But they were questions that could wait, he knew. He shivered, drawing up the blankets they'd draped over him, and closed his eyes, letting exhaustion take over again. He was asleep in minutes.

* * *

Perry stopped in the dressing room only long enough to throw on a pair of scrubs. His t-shirt was soaked, so he had to borrow a top from the machine. His shoes were soaked, too, but luckily he always kept an extra pair in his locker (when you worked in a hospital, there was just no telling what could get on your shoes during a shift).

Then he headed to the ER. Or sprinted, to be more accurate.

JD was stable, the admitting physician told him, once Perry explained who he was. They'd taken him to radiology to x-ray his ankle, which was quite swollen and possibly broken. They were going to keep him overnight just to be safe, but he would recover just fine. Perry also managed to track down the paramedics who'd brought him in, and learned that JD had woken up during the ambulance ride; he hadn't spoken much, but he'd seemed alert and coherent.

Perry had to steady himself against the counter to keep from collapsing in sheer relief at this news. He stood for a few moments with his head bowed, taking deep, steadying breaths, before pulling himself together and heading to radiology. He wouldn't be able to talk to JD until they were done with the scan, but he'd be damned if he was leaving the kid alone, even if he couldn't be right by his side.

* * *

Why was it, JD wondered, that when you had to get an x-ray, they insisted on putting whatever part of you that was being x-rayed into the position that would make it hurt the most? Well...that wasn't fair. He actually knew why, of course, but it still didn't help any, as he had his ankle poked, turned over, bent and straightened, all in the name of getting a good look at it.

And all while he was so sleepy he could've cried. Not that he planned to, of course, but he just wanted to be left in a warm bed alone for a bit. And to make sure Jack was okay, even after he'd gotten his name out, and asked, no one knew what he was talking about.

But then he saw Dr. Cox, and a few tears did break free.

He blinked, reaching up to wipe them away, and raised a hand, tentatively. Cox's face was inscrutable, but he didn't look angry...

Cox raised a hand in return, resting his fingertips against the glass separating them. His curls were damp, hanging limp on his brow, and he wore a light blue pair of hospital-issued scrubs--a sight that might've struck JD as funny any other day, but not now. He swallowed, holding the older man's gaze as the technicians adjusted the screens and draped the lead lined apron over his torso. He only looked away when the machines began to hum, closing his eyes and waiting, wishing they'd given him something more for pain before they'd sent him in here--all they'd offered him in ER was Tylenol, and it wasn't doing near enough for his ankle.

Maybe when they got him into a room they could give him something a little stronger. He hoped so. But for now...He gritted his teeth, and moved his ankle as they asked, biting his bottom lip hard a time or two.

Until finally it was over, they were wheeling him out again, and Cox was right there, pushing in to take a place beside him as they moved. JD managed a smile for him. "Is Jack okay?" His voice was rough, and talking still hurt a little, but he had to know. "He didn't fall in after me or anything?"

Cox shook his head, his face tight. "No, kid, he's fine," he said. Then, his voice a little softer, he added, "Thanks to you."

JD frowned--Cox had looked away, and had seemed barely able to meet his eyes in the first place. As they rounded a corner, JD reached out and closed his hand around the older doctor's wrist. "Hey--are you okay?" he said softly.

Cox started at the touch, looking down then looking up at JD before pulling away, though he gave JD a nod and a tight smile. "Yeah," he said shortly.

JD's frown deepened, but at that moment the reached his room, and Cox had to back off so the gurney could fit through the doorway. JD strained to watch him, and saw him standing in the hallway, eyes distant, head lowered, before he was blocked from his sight.

They moved him over to the bed, careful of the air brace on his ankle that was stabilizing it until the x-ray slides were developed. Then, once he was settled, the doctor who'd admitted him came in and told him he was a lucky man, and it looked like the ankle was just very badly sprained. They'd keep the air brace on it for a few days, and give JD some percocet for the pain, but he could go home in the morning.

JD nodded his thanks, and the doctor left. He lay back against the pillows, glaring at his ankle for a moment, but was at least relieved it wasn't broken. Not that it was much better, for the first few days, at least, but it'd heal faster. At least Jack was all right...though something seemed to be up with Cox. JD wished it wasn't...he wanted to ask the older doctor what'd happened, how he'd gotten out of the water...

But then his door opened and his throat closed off, when Cox actually came in.

The older doctor looked nervous, shifting a little as he came to stand at the foot of JD's bed. He didn't quite seem to know where to put his hands; he folded them across his chest, then dropped them to his side again, then finally clasped them in front of himself. "Hey," he said softly. "How--how you feeling, there, Newbie?"

JD raised an eyebrow, wondering why, exactly, Cox was acting like a nervous intern. Still, it certainly made talking easier. "I've been better, but I'm okay. Nothing's broken...and they're letting me go in the morning. What happened? Last thing I remember, I was under the water and my foot was caught..." he frowned. "I can't remember on what."

"Tree branch," Cox replied softly, looking down. "Trapped up against an intake grate."

"How'd..." JD's eyes widened, when he looked Cox over again, and realized why he was in scrubs, and his hair was wet. Not just from working in the rain, then... "You went in after me?" His voice cracked.

"You didn't come up," Cox said simply, still staring at his shoes.

"I..." JD paused. What could he say? "Thank you" was woefully inadequate, but... "Thank you," he said anyway, starting to smile slightly. "I...I mean...Dude, you saved my life." He grinned suddenly. "Guess this means I gotta hang around now until I get the chance to save yours..."

Dr. Cox didn't smile back, but he did at least glance up. "You saved my son, JD," he said quietly, and JD's smile slid from his face in surprise. Cox never called him that... "I'd say we're even."

"Oh." JD bit his bottom lip, trying to think of something else to say. Anything to get Cox from being so...so subdued. It just wasn't right. And God, his real name sounded strange, in Cox's voice. Better than Susan or Ginger, but still... "You know I like Jack, and...I just didn't think, I had to get him down and safe again." He frowned. "It's not like I could've just let him fall."

Cox drew a breath, and nodded. "I... yeah," he said. "Um... look, 'thanks' doesn't exactly cover it, but... God, thank you. I don't know what I'd've done..." he moved, finally, over to the chair beside JD's bed, slumping down and lowering his face to his hands. Across the short distance that separated them, JD could see Perry was shaking. Badly.

"Hey," JD said softly, reaching for him. "It's okay. He's safe, and I'd bet Jordan'll have a leash on him for at least a year now. He just got scared, he'll be fine." He wanted to hug the other man, but God...he'd wanted that for ages anyway, and didn't think the offer would be appreciated now.

Cox nodded, then looked up suddenly. "Don't ever do that to me again," he said, voice low. "I mean it, Newbie. Just... just don't."

"Do what to you?" JD asked, genuinely confused. "I mean, I didn't mean to fall in, but I had to go after Jack..."

Cox lowered his head again, elbows resting on his knees as his fingers clutched his hair. "Don't scare me like that again," he said. "I... Jesus, Newbie..." He paused, voice choked.

JD just stared at him for a moment, mouth open. "You were worried about me?"

Cox still wouldn't meet JD's gaze. "You wouldn't... you weren't breathing, you had no pulse, I..." he shook his head. "Damn it, JD, it was too close."

"You're calling me JD..." JD shook his head, rubbing his eyes. Well, he knew Cox didn't exactly want him dead, but still... This seemed a bit like overreaction for someone who didn't even like him. He wished he knew how much of Cox going in after him had been personal. He would've said none of it, before, but now....Now he had to wonder. "And dude, no wonder I don't remember getting rescued."

"Yeah," Cox muttered. He stood and wandered to the window, arms wound tightly around his middle as he stared blankly out at the rain.

JD closed his eyes, shifting. His throat hurt, his ankle hurt, and plenty of bruises were starting to make themselves known. And now Cox seemed to need something from him, but JD was damned if he knew what. "Well...thank you, still. I mean, I know you don't like me very much, so..."

"Oh, for God's sake, Newbie, you can't honestly still think that, can you?" Cox said, turning to face him and glaring at him a little. "Lord, it's been how long?"

JD bit his lip. "Four years. Give or take a few months. And I'd like to not think it, but...You don't give me much reason not to, sometimes. Life saving excepted, obviously," he added with a wry grin. "But I know you would've gone in after anyone...so would I." His brow furrowed, then. "But why are you here? You weren't hurt, and Jordan has to be freaking out..."

Cox stared at him. "Oh, dear God," he said softly. "You are such an idiot. Why am I here? What the fuck kind of question is that?! Jesus, Newbie, Jordan wasn't the one trapped at the bottom of a flooded drainage ditch--that was you, remember?" His voice had risen, until he was nearly shouting, and he started pacing again. "Jesus H. Christ on a fucking pogo stick, JD--you almost died today, rescuing my son! Where the fuck else would I be but here?"

"Okay, stupid question," JD replied, wincing. He wasn't sure what Cox's rant meant, exactly, but apparently he meant more to the other man than he'd thought... "Guess I thought you'd be with him. You could've called..." He trailed off, trying not to think of what his friends were off doing. He'd volunteered to place sandbags as much from not wanting to spend the day alone as from anything else...and they were all too busy to hang out. Or to want to. And he knew this was different, he was being unfair, but... Oh well. He'd call Turk later, let him know he wouldn't be home that night. "But I'm glad you didn't. Glad you're here, even if you're yelling at me. Again. Least it makes things normal..."

As suddenly as it had taken him, Cox's anger melted. He slumped a little. "No, I--Jesus." He ran a hand absently through his hair again. "Look, I'm... I wanted to apologize," he mumbled, looking down again. "For yelling at you today." He smiled wryly. "Guess yelling at you again isn't the best way to start that, huh?"

Things clicked into place for JD suddenly. Cox was here because he felt guilty about yelling at JD right before he'd nearly drowned. Right. He smiled ruefully. Why else? And much as it was tempting to accept this, JD didn't want Cox to suddenly start pretending to like him more than he did just because he felt bad. "Don't worry about it," he said softly, looking down at his blankets and pleating them between his fingers, half-wishing Cox would leave. "I mean, hell...I'm used to it by now, right? It's been four years. Doesn't bother me..."

But it did. JD wasn't sure if Cox knew it, but it did. Every crack, every girl's name...God, he was an idiot. People had told him from his first week that Cox was a jerk, but he still wanted the other man to respect him. To like him. To show it, when he didn't show it to anyone...except Jordan. And Jack. He closed his eyes again, exhaustion pulling at him, mixed with familiar regret. Why couldn't he just let it go?

"Yeah, it does," Cox said softly, and when JD looked up, the older man had a surprised look on his face. "Jesus, it does, doesn't it?"

JD almost wanted to laugh, at the look of astonishment on the other man's face. Almost. Because if this was the first time Cox had noticed, in four fucking years... He sighed. "Depends. If I say yes, are you going to call me Mary and make fun of me? Because I'm too tired for that right now, sorry."

"I... no," Cox said, and he slumped a little. "Look, I... I'm not good at this kind of thing. But Jesus, kid, you almost died today. And I..." he shook his head, bringing one hand to pinch the bridge of his nose. Why couldn't he just say it? "I was scared. No, scratch that--I was fucking terrified, JD. When you... when you weren't breathing, and you had no pulse, I just... God. Do you know what I'm trying to say?"

JD hesitated. He wanted to make this easier on the other man, help him out... Or at least, part of him did. Another part was a bit too glad Cox was using his actual name, and struggling a bit. "I don't, not really, but I can guess." He let out a long sigh, shifting again. "I'm sorry I took it hard, when you asked me to be quiet. But hey, I'm all right, everyone can laugh at me on crutches for a week, you can be the hero, and things can go back to normal, right? Though you could stick with calling me JD," he added, with a shy grin. "I wouldn't mind that..."

Cox studied him a moment, then moved to sit again; this time, however, he pulled the chair closer and, to JD's utter shock, reached out and took his hand. "Don't," he said. "Don't try to change the subject. JD, I... I have to say this."

JD looked down at where Cox was holding his hand, then back up, and nodded, knowing his eyes were wide. "O-okay...No more subject changing." He was about to say he'd shut up, but thought better of it.

Cox swallowed, staring at JD's hand, held between his. "JD... when I thought--thought you weren't going to come around..." he closed his eyes and clenched his jaw for a moment, but forced himself to continue. "It made me realize something."

JD was almost afraid to ask what, but he couldn't help squeezing Cox's fingers gently. It just happened, an automatic physical reassurance.

Cox suddenly looked up at him, and scowled. "This wasn't supposed to happen," he groused. "Damn it, JD, I didn't mean to actually care about you. You were just another intern, you know?"

JD actually had to hide a grin. "I'm sorry? You do a good job of hiding it most times, if it's any consolation." Cox cared about him? God, he must. JD hadn't seen him looking this upset since Ben died. Maybe he'd done a better job of being a friend in Ben's absence than he'd thought...

Cox snorted. "Yeah. From you and me both. But today..." he shook his head. "God, just... try not to scare me like that again, okay? I'm not big on these heart-to-heart things."

"I'll do my best not to," JD replied, grinning softly now. Dude, it was worth getting dunked, for this!

Cox nodded. "Good." He stood, glancing down at JD's hand, still held in his own, seeming hesitant. Then, with an expression on his face that could only be interpreted as, oh, what the hell, he sat on the bed at JD's side and pulled him into a tight hug.

Oh my God... JD was literally frozen for a moment, before he wrapped his arms around Cox in return, holding him just as tightly. And it was good, everything he'd thought it would be... "Thank you," he murmured, very softly, letting himself relax into the other man's strong arms. Relax, and be held, finally.

Cox tightened his hold, and moved one hand to cup the back of JD's head. "Don't mention it," he murmured. "It's the least I owe you."

A moment later, much to JD's disappointment, he pulled away, but he remained sitting on the bed for a moment, regarding JD softly. He felt himself blush a little, but held the older doctor's gaze until Cox himself looked down.

"Get some rest, kid," he said softly. "I'll come in and check on you before I go home. I want to double-check your x-ray slides for hairline fractures."

JD smiled, lifting an eyebrow. "Don't trust the radiologist?"

"Not on the important things, no," Cox replied, then suddenly blushed; JD decided to let it go, but inside, he was beaming. The important things! He does care!

"Right," Cox said, getting to his feet and shaking his head as though to clear it. "I'll see you later, okay? Try to get some sleep."

JD nodded, settling back onto the bed, his heart doing another little dance of joy when Cox leaned over and helped him pull up the blankets.

It very nearly stopped again, however, when Cox dipped down and pressed a quick kiss to his forehead.

Then he pulled back, heading for the door before JD could do so much as gasp. Once there he paused, one hand clutching the doorframe, and said without looking back, "Oh, and if anyone makes fun of you for being on crutches? Tell them they'll have to answer to me." He glanced at JD and smiled, giving him a tiny wink.

Then he was gone.

JD stared after him, before reaching up and gently touching the spot on his forehead. Dude. Maybe he had died in that ditch...because this didn't seem like it could be real. But he hoped like hell it was.

Still grinning to himself, he settled down in bed, ankle forgotten in the fantasies that quickly took over and blended seamlessly into his dreams.
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